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2 years, 7 months ago via

If a child continuously behaves badly, who really is to blame. The child or the parents of the child or both?

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raerae2 | 2 years, 7 months ago
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I'd say both if the parent has clearly drawn a line and enforced discipline, but the child continues to disobey. The parent should use trial and error to figure out which methods work for their child based on the child's needs and mental capacity. If the child is unusually smart, the parent needs to respect the child's mental abilities and maybe even try to out-smart the child when necessary. Sometimes, letting a child cross a boundary just to prove that you will follow through with your threat to discipline is necessary and can teach a child a valuable lesson. Sometimes, if the child's safety is concerned, you have to stop them before they hurt themselves or someone else, sit them down and explain to them in a way that they can understand why what they were going to do is a bad idea.

Michelle is right, certain parenting methods should be kept inside the home or away from the general public so that they do not become a disturbance or disrespectful. This part of the process is the parents' responsibility as is making certain that the child understands their boundaries. The child's responsibility is to do as they are told and be respectful. If the child has not had boundaries drawn and does not know what is expected of them, then the parents are at fault, no doubt.

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robbrown | 2 years, 7 months ago
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I've often thought that children are a reflection (not a copy) of their parents. If a child is raised properly with clear boundaries and love then the rest is up to the environment the child is in and their individual predisposition.

No one can mold a child. There simply isn't a magic formula. The best we can do is live our own lives with honesty and respect to teach them through example and allow them to explore their own worlds within those same simple guidelines.

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waulok | 2 years, 7 months ago
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Children require discipline and boundaries. They find it difficult to cope without either. They tend to thrive better knowing they are being limited.
If a child is allowed to do whatever they please then they will do so.
A child needs to have borders to keep within but also to test. As they grow older, they will test the borders and their parent will decide whether to let them exceed previous limits or not.
Of course, over the years, old borders will be discarded and new ones created (eg. alcohol, sexual contact, driving).
All of the above is brought together and helps them become a better, more in control person.

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michelleldevon | 2 years, 7 months ago
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I'd have to say a little of both.Before I had kids, I blamed it all on the parents. they should control their child, right?

Having had two kids now, both older, I've learned it's not always the parent's fault, even when you do everything right with them.

However, I do think the parent is responsible for ensuring their child's behavior doesn't inconvenience or bother someone else. For example, it might be the parent's parenting method to let their child cry it out, but if it's inside a movie theatre, there's a moral obligation to remove the child to the lobby or bathroom and let them cry it out in there, and not ruin the movie for everyone.

There's a line that should be tempered between freedom to parent and infringing on other people, and as a parent, I've walked that line. It's only respectful to prevent your children from bothering other people or other people's things.

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sweetondubz | 2 years, 7 months ago
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parents should have 1 voice and the child may have a behavioral or learning problem. So this is hard to answer. But most of this lies within parenting practices. Be firm

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samid | 2 years, 7 months ago
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Who is to blame? Well, I tend to lean more towards nature than nurture. Of course, how a child is raised has a lot to do with it's behavior, but I tend to believe we aren't blank slates when we are born like some people believe. I belive there is something there that gives us tendencies towards different behaviors. So, if your child is behaving badly, don't completely blame yourself, but it is important to set boundaries when they are very, very young. Start when they are young and you will have less trouble when they get older.

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