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2 years, 12 months ago

I think i may be pregnant. My fiance's family is thrilled but we have yet to tell my family. Any suggestions?

I'm almost 16 and i have been engaged for almost 6 months. I thin kthat i might be pregnant. My fiance and his family are ecstatic. but i'm not sure that my family would be. Any advice on how to break the news to them?
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ablanton | 2 years, 12 months ago
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I think for this sort of thing, the direct approach is best. Tell them that you need to sit down to give them some "important news" as soon as possible.

It is quite possible they may already suspect (especially the mum!) or have hear rumours from the opposite side of the family. It is not good to let such suspicions fester and grow into a problem.

The hard part may be that they are not pleased to hear this news, but being frank and upfront will do more in settling any fears they may have about your taking responsibility for this. Be responsible and address it head on. Let them know that your fiance's family is supportive, but that you also intend on "stepping up." However, also be very open in voicing your desire to see their support and how important you feel they are to the future that you are starting to make.

They may feel you are "too young," and that may be true to some extent, but displaying courage and personal responsibility is the kind of maturity that will serve you well in this.

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tracebooks | 2 years, 12 months ago
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This could be tough. Have you thought about how you're going to finish your education and take care of the baby at the same time?

I would say approach them with a plan in place. Parents (and you're about to become one) want their kids to do well in life, and any more, that means a good education. We don't want our kids struggling in dead-end jobs and a joyless lifestyle. Unfortunately early pregnancy makes that much more likely. So your announcement may very well upset your parents--not because you're "bad" but because they worry for your future.

Part of that plan must include who is financially responsible for supporting the baby. That should be the father and you, primarily. If you're both not yet adults and need to finish your education, then you should have a plan on what that's going to look like and how you're going to prevent having the mindset that the baby is ultimately your parents' responsibility. I have known way too many kids who foist their children off on their parents and go off and pretend they were never parents in the first place. It's terrible for their children and terrible for them, because then they become immature, unstable adults.

And part of the plan has to be who is going to be the most important person in the baby's life by being with them the most. Babies have to be watched every minute of the day and night when they're tiny, and for several years. I didn't understand what this meant myself until I had my first. I didn't know it was possible to not have time to even go to the bathroom for most of the day when I was home alone with my baby, let alone take a shower or even eat a meal! It got better after the first few weeks, but boy, was it tough at first. And even "better" was pretty rough. It just meant I was a little less tired and could get up early enough that I could shower while my husband was with the baby, and fix myself lunch for the day that I could just grab later on. And then it killed me a few weeks later to leave my baby at daycare. I never adjusted, and when he, highly gifted verbal kid that he is, was old enough to tell me what went on, I was appalled.

The situation can be workable, but it's far from ideal. Having a baby and parenting a child is hard, tough work, physically, mentally and emotionally. I've had three I love dearly and I know how hard it is. Babies can cry hours for no reason you can figure out and will do it when you're exhausted already. Children can fail to hear you telling them how to do something literally hundreds of times (research has proved it) so that you feel like you're getting nowhere and repeating yourself, which you are. And they can outright defy you by doing things that you've told them not to do, the reasons for which they are not yet old enough to comprehend. It's really hard for parents at 30 and 40 and 45 and 50, who have been around a long time and have more resources. You do have the advantage of more physical energy, though.

All these things are going to go through your parents' minds when you tell them you're pregnant, so understand they might not have the happiest reaction.

I hope this was helpful.

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shaz | 2 years, 12 months ago
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In your question you said "I think I may". I would first get a confirmation if you haven't. Over the counter pregnancy tests are extremely accurate. If you go that route and you find out you are pregnant be sure to follow up with your doctor right away. You can also go straight to your doctor for a blood test. If you are concerned about speaking with your parents I would bring this up with your doctor also. Your doctor will help you to find all the resources that you need to care for yourself during pregnancy and care for your baby after it is born. I am so glad that you have the support of your fiance's family. You will definitely need it. If you are in fact pregnant you will need a good support system. This may or may not include your parents, at least not at first. It will be a lot for your parents to take in. My best advice is take care of yourself and make sure you ask for help when you need it. And EVERY new mom needs it. I wish you all the best.

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409inyourcoffee | 2 years, 12 months ago
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Put it on a cake.

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humanenigma5 | 2 years, 12 months ago
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If you're not sure if you're 100% pregnant, you should first find out for sure. It would be really shocking for you to say to your family that you are pregnant, and then you find out that you really aren't. 
16 is pretty young to be getting married and having a kid, but we all live our lives differently and it seems yours is set down a course you're happy with, so that's the most important thing. 

You know your family better that anyone who answers this question, so you should be able to tell how to ease into telling them news that might upset them. You shouldn't just blurt out "I'm pregnant", but instead talk to themabout how you're getting married and how you've set up your life for a family in the future. The only difference is that your children are coming a bit sooner than expected. You should make them understand that you feel you are ready for a child and point out that your fiance's family is being supportive, and you just want your own family to be as supportive. 

I wish you the best, and may things go well for you, your fiance and your future children. :) 
 Humanenigma5.

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afootball | 2 years, 12 months ago
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Personally I would think it depends on your fiance's age and how your family feels about your relationship. Obviously if you are planning on keeping the child it would be impossible to keep the situation hidden forever. They will most likely be able to provide helpful insight on the issue, so I would sit them down and explain your plan as soon as possible.

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irishtwinsmama | 2 years, 11 months ago
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What I did, was tell my mom (I haven't seen my dad in years!) is that it's good that she really likes babies. When she asked why, i told her she was going to be a grandma!

She's in love with my son more than anyone on the planet (after me, of course!) and still thinks I was silly to tell her that way. It really was easier than anything else, though.

Another thing could be; showing off early ultrasound pictures. I did this to my co-workers I had at the time, and they thought the little gummi bear looking thing that grew into my baby was so cute!

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myketv | 2 years, 12 months ago
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I would speak to an OBGYN specialist or maybe even a professional counselor. This is a huge step in your life and you don't want to start out on the wrong foot. I'll link you to some great people in those fields, below.

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