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The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket - went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
from: http://www.allcleanhumor.com/jokesarchive/arc47.shtml
Here is Sheriff Jeff helping little old ladies
http://www.sheriffunclebob.com/gallery/sheriff-mom.jpg
and
some Sheriff's doing what just what they do:
http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/sra/lowres/sran327l.jpg
Okay, some of they are very smart.
Some not. :)
Source(s):
joke from http://www.allcleanhumor.com/jokesarchive/arc47.shtml
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krysstel
http://home.comcast.net/~toonfox/myart/md_BrerRabbitFox6d_1.jpg
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And Jeff is the only likable sheriff I know, so no Bob Marley song for him.
This is the sheriff joke I like
http://fashionablygeek.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/i-shot-the-serif.jpg
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvMl6dyOcs8
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He walked back into the bar and with a quick move of his hands, he flipped his guns into the air, caught them above his head without even looking and fired at the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled.
No one answered.
"Alright, you varmints, I'm ah gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finnish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! As he swung up into the saddle and started to ride out of town, the bartender ran out of the saloon and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I ah walked home."
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The sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an 'Attitude Suitability Test' that you must take before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a .357 magnum service revolver across the desk, he says: "Take this revolver and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" asks the applicant.
"Great attitude," says the Sergeant.
"When can you start?"
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1. Butthole of the world
The sheriff of the small town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone. The wealthy man behind the wheel was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the butthole of the world!"
The magistrate looked at him and replied, "And you must be what's passing through."
2. A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
Hope you Like them. Looking forward for more jokes from other mahaloians :)
Source(s):
http://www.cartoonbank.com//assets/1/131014_m.gif
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Source(s):
http://www.best-funny-jokes.com/police-jokes
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http://jonathanv.com/files/u1/Blog%20pics/sheriff.png
http://glitchtown.com/img/misc/sherifftumb.png
http://fc07.deviantart.com/fs4/i/2005/140/c/c/Sheriff_by_Kutaly.gif
http://th03.deviantart.net/fs4/300W/i/2004/199/8/f/TABLE_SHERIFF.jpg
... to bad Sheriff Hoard's gun is only a water gun (^_^)V
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The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
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Answered Question
M$2
July 20, 2009 05:37 PM
To honor the new Sheriff in town, do you have any good western jokes?
I'm sure that if you don't already know Jeff Hoard, he is a great community leader here at Mahalo. I just wanted to honor him today since he spends so much of his time honoring others on this site.
Here's my sheriff joke:
The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
"Howdy, stranger..."
"Howdy, Sheriff..."
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there, Mister..."
"Sheriff?"
"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked."
Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em.
Here's my sheriff joke:
The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
"Howdy, stranger..."
"Howdy, Sheriff..."
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there, Mister..."
"Sheriff?"
"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked."
Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em.
Interesting Question?
Yes (10)
No (0)
Interesting: spoon, buddawiggi, dbiddie, jeffhoard, dannyjohnson, brian san, christhomson, zesi, kalane, krysstel
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Best Answer Decided by Votes
| July 20, 2009 06:20 PM |
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
from: http://www.allcleanhumor.com/jokesarchive/arc47.shtml
Here is Sheriff Jeff helping little old ladies
and
some Sheriff's doing what just what they do:
Okay, some of they are very smart.
Some not. :)
Source(s):
joke from http://www.allcleanhumor.com/jokesarchive/arc47.shtml
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krysstel
July 27, 2009 04:29 PM
thank you! Glad you liked it. The new Sherrif Jeff theme is great!!
Tip krysstel for this comment
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Other Answers (9)
July 20, 2009 06:03 PM
@bunnyphuphu I'm afraid you can't be involved in this question... you see we all know the only bunny in westerns was HOPALONG cassidy (insert rimshot here)... Permalink | Report
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July 20, 2009 06:13 PM
Well, I don't know any western joke. And Jeff is the only likable sheriff I know, so no Bob Marley song for him.
This is the sheriff joke I like
Helpful Answer?
(4)
(0)
Helpful: n4thanl, chriswingate, space-angel, krysstel
Tip nushka for this answer
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July 20, 2009 06:17 PM
@jeffhoard I like the new avatar. The new look for our own "new sheriff in town" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvMl6dyOcs8
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July 20, 2009 06:42 PM
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a cold beer. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He walked back into the bar and with a quick move of his hands, he flipped his guns into the air, caught them above his head without even looking and fired at the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled.
No one answered.
"Alright, you varmints, I'm ah gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finnish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! As he swung up into the saddle and started to ride out of town, the bartender ran out of the saloon and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I ah walked home."
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Reply
July 20, 2009 10:09 PM
A man seeking to join Maricopa County, Arizona Sheriff's Department is being interviewed. The sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an 'Attitude Suitability Test' that you must take before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a .357 magnum service revolver across the desk, he says: "Take this revolver and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" asks the applicant.
"Great attitude," says the Sergeant.
"When can you start?"
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Reply
July 21, 2009 01:10 AM
Here are two sheriff jokes I have heard. 1. Butthole of the world
The sheriff of the small town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone. The wealthy man behind the wheel was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the butthole of the world!"
The magistrate looked at him and replied, "And you must be what's passing through."
2. A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
Hope you Like them. Looking forward for more jokes from other mahaloians :)
Source(s):
http://www.cartoonbank.com//assets/1/131014_m.gif
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July 21, 2009 05:27 AM
Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
Source(s):
http://www.best-funny-jokes.com/police-jokes
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July 21, 2009 06:12 AM
The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." ... to bad Sheriff Hoard's gun is only a water gun (^_^)V
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July 21, 2009 03:59 PM
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
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Voted "No best answer": christhomson,
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