How to start a conversation with a girl?
Once starting a conversation...how to continue it...? Thank!
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M$25 Answers
That being said, first and foremost is try to remember that... women have minds. I do not know why so many guys have trouble remembering that.
Actually, I do know why... it's because they're smitten by attraction, their hormones jump, and the parts of their brain which would otherwise normally be perfectly cool and cogent suddenly finds itself going "bluh bla duh..." out of a state of hormone-induced neurological chaos.
Personally, what I would do is:
1) Make sure from reading body-language and with eye-contact that she's not going to freak-out or ignore you if you approach her,
2) Ask a funny question, and be prepared to follow it with some intelligent conversation.
For example (this actually worked)...
Me: "Hey... what do you think Prince William would have looked like if Camilla had been his mother?"
She: "He'd be homely... not as princely as he looks now."
Me: "Do you think that maybe the marriage between Charles and Diana was rigged in order to take advantage of Diana's good looks to breed horse-facedness out of the royal line?"
She: "Maybe..."
And we took it from there.
You know how you hear woman say all the time that, "The greatest turn-on is intelligence"?
Well, believe it.
You know how you hear woman say all the time that they love a guy with a good sense of humor... someone who can make them laugh?
Believe it.
Did you know that neuropsychologists have in fact determined that there's a relationship between intelligence and a sense of humor?
When she says she wants a guy who's funny, she's looking for someone who's smart.
When she says she wants a guy who's intelligent, she's looking for someone who can make her laugh.
Be smart and funny.
Whatever your opening line, let her see how intelligent you are by making her laugh with smart (non-alecky) humor calling for conversation.
The irony of life... one of those tricks that the cosmos plays on guys proving that the Grand Diety is a practical joker... is that most guys are perfectly equipped with the kind of intelligence women like, but just when you're at that all-important point of first-impression, hormones spill out like marbles onto the floor sending you flying onto your keester.
If you get tongue-tied that way, what do you do?
Let her see you laughing at yourself. They know it takes a smart guy to laugh at himself, and that's what they like... a smart guy with a sense of humor.
Just be happy, friendly, smart and funny.
Wait a sec... isn't that how you like to be anyway?!?
Ironic, isn't it. The way you actually like to be is what she's looking for.
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M$The best pick up line, one-liner, and all that bit is as follows: "Hi"
Now that being said hi is just a word.... that it it's just a word, a mere word, a pretty easy one to say I think. In fact try it, go on, right now, no one is watching, and if someone is tell them hi.
Now we all know anyone who has every talk in some way knows how to say hi make up exception all you want but no.... you know more words then da-da and no your not a baby.
So we know what to say. it's all easy now right? well apparently not... as you aren't used to talking to girls, or people really, this is it, that's it! how to learn to converse? simple talk to everyone you see no exceptions. ugly pretty black white tall and skinny or short and fat. after awhile approaching people will mean nothing to you, as easy as pie (and not the number), or cake if you happen to prefer cake, -Personally I like pie.
People will tell you it's based on many things, but these people are you, those who don't know how to approach ANYONE unless prearranged and even then it's awkward.
but you'll see, just approach EVERYONE, soon you'll know what to say and how to say it.
and remember women want comfort and fun, nothing more, nothing less. If your comfortable they are comfortable, going up to her like a nervous wreck will make her uncomfortable. but having experience and knowing what your doing will show you apart from all the other guys who come around.
Hope it helps mate, best of luck.
Experience
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M$
Really it's just a mind set, and the only reason rejection hurts is because you want her, you need her, you in a small way kind of fall for her, be it your really attracted to her or something like that but for that moment she very important.....
If she wasn't important rejection would be there but would feel alot more insignificant
If someone who you think is ugly and has no class and kind of dresses a bit fruit comes up to you and calls you gay you probably aren't going to ponder over it infact you'll think of how gay they must be...
now to overcome this you must be the chased, sure you'll go up to her and you'll have by now become an expert in starting conversation (which doesn't take long I might add), but you know that she wants you, if you know that then you have the key... if you know they all want you then being reject by 10% or even 20% is insignificant, cause you know there is 80% more just waiting for you.
how do you get that way? !!!!READY!!!!
!!!CONFIDENCE!!!
and doing the little conversation task I gave you WILL give you at least a little
because you stand out your the one who went up to 20 30 maybe even 40 people were they gonna do it no! no way in hell!!! they may have wanted to but they didn't know how to....
and you'll feel good when you honestly ask someone how their day was.. and listen
which is a big thing for women, women want listeners cause you feel what she feels and that's comfort
so you give it... I don't know say 3 times going out, and just say hi how are you, a little small talk like that and at the end of the day you'll know and feel great!
pretty soon being easy to talk to the short fat ugly guy will become being easy to talk to the long legged, fine bodied, pretty, brunette, cause you'll know she is just as easy once you say.... HI
thanks a lot for your thoughtful reply! :)
Its just that I get really nervous and dont want to make a fool of my self, I wasn't like this before, I guess some bad experiences has really hit hard to my self confidence :(
Wonder how to accept rejection and try knowing that I will fail initially... any thoughts?
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M$
I agree with omicron
and besides most women like wine or fruity drinks better, if your going all out might as well right?
ahhh....I'll go with the "buy a beer" too!!!:)))) But also with omicron's answer. If that solution won't work...beer is what you need! indeed...
Edit: Still thinking who needs the beer....:))))
Hahaha another beer answer!
I put lots of heart and warmth into my answer too. And a framboise is very fruity and quite popular with ladies.
Despite what girls may tell each other and complain about publicly, most girls are not troubled the lack of good guys out there, they are troubled by the never ending overwhelming press of needy guys out there, hungry guys, lonely guys, demanding guys, guys who can be easily hurt, guys who ask questions like, "How can I start a conversation with a girl?"
From the moment girls hit puberty, they start learning how to lie to guys like that, how to avoid them, how and where to hide, how many dead grandmothers they can invent, how often they can 'have to wash their hair' without being judged as being bitchy or mean, and how to act like they're trying when really they aren't.
So girls will see your innocence and sincerity as a red flag and most of them will run, run, run from it.
I know this is not a 'PC answer. You don't have to believe me. Believe omicron. He gave a nicer, kinder, more humane answer. It's a good answer too. But it's not a girl's answer.
Here's what I would tell you, as a girl:
Find a way not to care.
I know it's hard. I do, trust me. But if you want to become an overnight girl-magnet, cultivate a conviction that you don't need a girl, are way too busy having fun to have time for a girl, and don't really want to bothered talking to, ugh, girls. You have a life for Chrissakes. You're up and coming. You're busy and interesting.
Girls will be all over you in no time.
Why is this? Well, for one thing, it takes the pressure off. Have you ever noticed how girls love to hang out with gay men? Yes they do. Why? Besides the shopping thing (sorry for stereotyping), it's because there's NO PRESSURE. A gay guy doesn't need a girl. They like to have girls for friends sometimes, but there's no pressure.
Girls also flock to unavailable jerks. Same reason. Space, no pressure. A jerk is unattainable, difficult, and therefore... safe. Weird, yet true.
You have to seem independent and fun and leave a space for girls to approach YOU. They will--I know you are thinking that they won't--but they will. And while you're waiting, you'll learn how to enjoy yourself and develop a sense of who you are, which will come in really handy when some girl comes up to you and asks you about who you are.
When that happens, don't talk, listen. Act like you care what she's saying even though you won't even hear what she's saying. Don't lunge at her, let her want you and get impatient for an advance. Let her wait for it to the point that she feels like it was her idea.
After that, you're on your own. I can show you where the bread and cheese is located, but I can't make the sandwich for you. To some degree, it's all a matter of practice, practice, practice.
Good luck. :)
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M$
Love this answer! I am replaying my life in my head right now... seems like the times in my life when I had the most attention. I was not looking for it. I was too busy with work, school, projects and other pursuits to be overly interested in finding someone. When I was chasing... It never really worked out... at least not as well.
I agree this is true and it happens to me.... but sadly it won't happen in public places, say a Starbucks or a Walmart the only time it work is if you 'repeat yourself, so to speak, no girl will come up to you the first time she sees you she'll look at you, stare at you maybe, but will never approach and start a conversation unless shes seen you before... still it will works in a place like school or at work... and even at that you still must learn how to converse because she'll approach you once... maybe 2 3 or 4 times but after awhile she'll stop... and you would not improve...
Hey pgrundy,
Thanks for your insightful answer I see your point of view. But the problem is how to get around girls and show that I am a "donot care" type? I dont have any lady friends,,,, also in club or a bar or a bus stand... if I spot an interesting lady, how can I reciprocate this attitude?
Hi @omicron,
Thanks a lot for your yet another thoughtful feedback. It has given me a slightly new perspective.
Yes, really, that's a tough one. I mean, I'd say, honestly, that you take your best shot and do expect to get shut down about 80% of the time.
Personally I don't think it's an effective way to meet girls--chatting them up at Starbucks or the bus stop or whatever--but if you must do it, I suppose you just plunge in and grow a thick skin. For sure stay away from pick up lines. That isn't going to get you anywhere.
You're at a coffee shop, look at a girl, but don't stare. Keep glancing over. See if she glances back. If she does it more than once smile at her. If she smiles at you then you can approach her.
Look for the signs. They're all there.
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M$
My wife.
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M$
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M$I was completely shy in high school. I had a girlfriend here or there but never anything serious. But when I got to college, it was like my personality was a shaken can of Coke with a hole punched in the side.
Here are first thoughts:
Starters:
1. Offer to buy her a drink--or a coffee. If she's already ordered it, ask "Can I pay for yours," order yours with it, ask her if she wants to get a snack there (and if not, ask her to help you choose--the old supermarket produce aisle pickup) and pay for it all..
2. Public Places / groups of friends/she's the cashier--Tell her she looks nice--her hair, her clothing--pick something tasteful, not like "your chest looks cavernous today!" Go with "Is that new/did you change that?"
3. She's the cashier: "What's your favorite drink?..That sounds perfect right now. I'll have one, please."
4. Clubs: The best pickup line I ever used was FOUR words: A couple of buddies and I went to a bar in our college town. It was summer; the place was practically empty. One of my friends asked how I "pick up chicks." I said "Watch and learn--I'm walking out of here with HER phone number. Let's go." We walked around the side of the bar (it was an island in the middle of the room) and approached the only three girls in the room head-on. I walked around behind them, and to the girl on the end. I picked up her empty glass off the bar, jingled the ice around in it and with these four words,: "AND YOU WERE DRINKING...?" She turned to face me and was all giggles and smiles, and it was the beginning of an 18-month relationship with a girl who I didn't know was a few years older than I am.
I never told my friends I'd never actually picked a girl up before--it was always a friend of a friend or someone I worked with, so relationships just happened. This was the first pick-up.
Keeping the conversation going:
BE YOURSELF. Don't try to be someone you THINK she wants--because you're probably wrong. but at least be decent and not gross or rude or obnoxious.One girl who I saw very day in high school wrote an entire hand-written page in my senior HS yearbook--she was a cheerleader and also on the basketball team, way out of my league. A paraphrase of what she said (I don't have it in front of me) is "You're the one person who always treated me like a normal person, not like a jock or a rah-rah, and it really meant a lot to me."
On the occasion of my 20th reuinion (which I did not attend--only a handful did), I went back and read the thing, now 22 years old, and there's quite a bit of comments about flirting written in.
I tell people that if I had no personality I would have never had a girlfriend, no less a couple handfuls in college. I finally got the courage to do a radio show..so my personality was naturally "on" all the time.
Another thing: even if you think you share the interest, stay away from discussing politics (including but not limited to health care, economy and oil spill) altogether. You may think you know what's in her mind but you don't until you know her better. Talk about HER, but not in a creepy way that makes it sound like you're stalking her. If she's the cashier, ask how she likes her job...and if she wants to grab a bite before or after she works. But don't say "some day." Go with a definite day: "You want to grab lunch with me at Vito's before you have to come in tomorrow?" Her answer will give you two pieces of info: if she likes Vito's enough to eat there and if she's available tomorrow. Have concrete alternates--don't be wishy washy. "How about Friday, we can do a movie and go to Wong's?" She picks the flick and you sit through it.
Capiche?
The more attention you pay to her, the more brownie points you'll get. Translation: Listen.
Life lived to the Fullest Extent Allowed by Law.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Capiche
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M$
Oops. The clips didn't all attach. They are:
#1 - Ron Kaplan
#2 - "The Can-do Orchestra," let's call it. I have no idea who it is.
#3 - The one that's closest to the Sinatra one I know down to the note.
#4 - Huey Lewis & Gwynneth Paltrow - Cruisin' (who knew she sang like that?)
(above music found on beemp3.com)
More Standards are on Gary Allen Swings - artists, including the real deals, doing Rat-Pack-like stuff. Click the link and press play. Free, listen all you want.
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/15284343563/standalone
(I suggest you avoid "Blow Me A Kiss" until you're at least engaged.)
There's a lot more quiet stuff at Club Gary Allen, a piano-bar playlist I made:
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/17073347595/standalone
In The Club, you'll find Buble (the man puts on a show in person--very funny), Connick, Manilow, Tony Bennett. Just click the link and press the play button.
Yes. I can tell you how. It'll be $9.95 paperback. Just kidding. The bottom line, as the book's title implies, is that I pretty much made over everything from haircut to wardrobe--even how I spoke.
Chew on this, though...I have to head out tonight but will post another comment later...the actual conversation, honest to God, standing in the entrance to that bar, was "Gary Allen, how do you do it? How do you get so many chicks?" My reply was this, and I was a college kid--I'd never do it now: "See those girls? Five bucks says I walk out of here with the number of the one on the right." I pulled out $5 and slapped it into that one friend's hand. "Come on, boys," I said. "Let's go." And I led the three hapless guys into the place.
It was three steps into that large, almost empty room that I realized that my mouth had just written a check my ego better be able to cash...so I just did it, winging it as I went. Then again, I'd been on the radio for a couple of years at that point and had even done live remote broadcasts of my own show--I was comfortable speaking in front of people.
FIRST--Listen to what I sounded like when I began on the radio, with absolutely no training other than how to use the equipment , an open mic and time to fill. Does the guy introducing Paula Abdul sound too confident? No. Two years later? Boom!
SECOND: The attached is the end of a "tailgate party." I did the music and the rest of the station went down to the stadium to give out free pizza. I got a call after I went off the air from a friend 1/4 mile away from the speakers my voice (in this clip) was coming from...Was that you?" This is about 6 weeks before that night in 1991. Your speakers are not broken--the audio was only captured on one side and this one hasn't been digitally remastered yet.
Both clips are part of "The Best of The Gary Allen Show."
The next clip was something I did because I was bored one day in...2005 or 2006--when JetBlue left passengers on a plane for hours. It never aired anywhere, but everyone who's heard it thought it was funny.
The final clip is what I sound like now--the self-voice training worked and stuck, seventeen years after I left a studio. I do an occasional radio voiceover right from the house, and I've even been in 2 TV commercials.
Good luck.
http://www.archive.org/download/BestOfTheGaryAllenShowTrack7/BesrOfGaT7-FirstOnair.mp3
http://www.archive.org/download/LiveReads-garyAllen-wmuc/BestOfGaT1-2Livereads.mp3
http://www.archive.org/download/JetBlueShoulda/JetBlueShoulda.mp3
http://www.archive.org/download/GaryAllenSportstalk1240Reads/sportstalkreads1.mp3
Source: garyallen.mp3-archives.com
Yeah, you know, I can't believe that was 20 years ago. And I'm not even 40 yet.
Chick magnet? Oy vey. Not exactly. It's a whole mind-set thing.
Be funny. Be someone you'd want to talk to if you were in her place. You want to know how to get the courage? I have a BA in Speech Communication (Public Speaking). So the question becomes how do you get comfortable speaking in front of a group. Iif you can speak to a large group, you can speak to one person. The largest audience in front of me at one of my shows was an estimated 4,000 people--in the basketball stadium of a Class I NCAA team, my show booming out f the speakers inside the stadium.
In that environment, or in standup comedy (my next goal--when I finally write a routine), you have to connect with the audience, or in your case, the girl. Eye contact will be the key-your eyes say a lot more than you think they do. If you're talking to her or she's talking to you, be sure you're looking at her. The second your eyes lock you'll have her attention--and if you look at the floor, you've just lost her attention. Pay attention to what she's saying and be an active participant in the conversation.
Get yourself a news story--or print out this thread-- and stand in front of a mirror. Stare yourself right in the eyes. Start reading, and look yourself in the eyes as much as possible. Better yet, if there's something you have memorized--not a song, just words--do it with that. If you can withstand looking yourself dead in the eyes, eye contact will be much easier with a girl. Just think of the eye contact as an electric cord...if the cord breaks, the connection between you is lost.
PS: When it comes to music choice, you can't ever go wrong with Sinatra. I don't care if she's a punk-acid-ska-disco lover, Sinatra will always work well with girls. Just make sure you don't get any of the songs that start talking about "I love you" too early on.
Sing this one and even without a band and she'll melt. Ron Kaplan does a lot of great covers of Sinatra songs. I've included a copy of a woman singing it--how happy would you be if a girl sang it to you?
Don't do this on a first date--unless it's karaoke place. Not a bad idea. Then, as far as you're concerned, everyone in the room except the two of you disappears
Need an orchestra? Clip #3.The last one is the closest singing to the Sinatra one I know (I think from his first "Duets."). Love it, live it, learn it and some day sing it.
If she'll sing one with you, try Huey Lewis/Gwynneth Paltrow, "Cruisin.'"
When you see a smile on her face, you'll know you've got the courage. Smile.
http://www.yorkshireentertainment.co.uk/downloads/mp3-short/Pure VS mp3s/you_make_me_feel_so_young.mp3
http://davidlevinent.com/small_swing_bands/audio/dlsb_you_make_me_feel_so_young_5_piece.mp3
http://kerrystrayer.com/audio/kso/youmakemefeel.mp3
http://chatlibre.blog.lemonde.fr/category/files/2009/03/gwyneth-paltrow-huey-lewis-cruisin.1236433982.mp3
Hi @garyallen,
Thanks for the feedback! Your points make sense, but how did you get the COURAGE?
How did you just flipped and turned into a chick magnet? Can you tell me how?.... What made you? Any reflection would be helpful...
Thanks!
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M$
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M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
Offer up your phone number in lieu of asking for theirs. It's less invasive, even if you don't get a call back. Some people find an email even less invasive.
If she works at a place, be wary of the fact that she is a captive audience. She may be being polite more than interested. How can you tell? Ask her if she wants to go for a cup of coffee somewhere when she gets off.
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M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
Start with a simple "Hello" followed by a nice formal salutation like "Good Morning Miss!" or whatever suits the place and the time. Then pick up any subject like the food (if you are in a cafe), a particular book (if in a library) and anything that suits the environment.
Don't try to praise her beauty at the very first sentence. Try to behave normal (despite whatever you have in your mind).
Maintain soberness. Don't boast and don't push yourself too much.
Try to do something foolish/childish and make her laugh. Take care that it should look natural.
Discuss about career, academics, family etc. Anything other than romantic.
Show that you are really happy to meet her and would like to make friends with her. Try to tell her that you want to do something good for the society and nation and looking for enthusiastic and energetic people like her.
Don't meet her everyday in the first spell. Give a few days gap and then meet her and show that you met her accidentally this time and you were very busy for the last few days. Thereafter, meet her frequently.
Wait and have patience.
All the best. Hope that helps. Thanks
Personal Opinion
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M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
Tha language of Love is universal.
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M$for example
dont:
Was your weekend fun?
A: It was ok.
Do: Hey, what did you do this weekend?
This forces a person to say more than just a small sentence and you can keep a convosation going like this. just be prepared for long answers, women can talk for longs periods of time lol
Acai Max Cleanse
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M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
i am not a ladies man...but i have my moments before...when i was single.
anyway, this may sound cheesy, but your best bet is to be simply yourself...meaning dont over do it...or try to be someone else...or pretend to like the same thing you may thing popular...
you'd be better off being yourself.
remember its easier remember the truth rather than a lie....
this advise is meant for those looking for something lasting....
dont be in the position wherein you meet this very interesting person and you end up turning her off because
of your ruse...
personal experience...
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M$
A women needs only three things - food, water and compliments..lollzz
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M$
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M$
Trying to remember cliché one liners will only make you nervous and you will seem phony. Be real from your first conversation and keep it that way if you want a good, long lasting relationship.
Do not rehearse and agonize over your first words to her. There is a great old Swedish proverb that says “worry is what gives a small problem a big shadow”. If you spend too much time worrying about what you will say you might never say anything and you could miss a wonderful opportunity.
There is nothing wrong with a shy guy, girls love shy guys. Be yourself. Think of the most honest detail you notice at the time and take a chance and share it with her. Make it something meaningful and helpful. It is not what you say but how you say it. Intentions are everything and if yours are selfless, helpful and come from the heart you will not say the wrong thing.
Experience. Three grown boys and a great 20 year marriage.
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M$
thanks for the information! These lines helped:
"If you get tongue-tied that way, what do you do?
Let her see you laughing at yourself. They know it takes a smart guy to laugh at himself, and that's what they like... a smart guy with a sense of humor.
Just be happy, friendly, smart and funny. "
I do have a fear of having nothing to say... its soo over powering... :(
Perhaps conversation has gone the way of the dodo?
photo from http://live.gdgt.com/2010/06/07/live-wwdc-2010-keynote-coverage/
I would couple that with "be original." Just be yourself. Let her know the kind of person that you are and the things that you are interested in while still demonstrating that you are genuinely interested in learning more about her.
Another proof that words are useles, this is one irritating song but the dance worked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2XQpVfI_r4&feature=player_embeddedI have an iPad :-0
@hapahaole is right Ipads are getting your foot in the door.
I like the "Just be happy, friendly, smart and funny" part. It's true. We like that! :)