2 years, 2 months ago
How to set a curfew
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M$1 Answer
In my opinion the best thing to do is start small, and then "bait" the teen (I am assuming this is who it is for) with later or earlier curfews. Start with an earlier time, so if the child runs a little late, not to much is lost.
(So if the child wants to be out until 10:00, start with a 9:15 0r 9:30 curfew. )
Explain that even though you think 10:00 may be fair ( or whatever time) they need to prove that you can trust them. Set a contract (verbal or visual) that if they make curfew for X amount of days (or weeks) they can build up to the later time. So 9:15 becomes 9:30 or 9:45.
Also explain every time they are late (even once by a minute), they will be set back. You may even consider chipping away time if they prove irresponsible. If they abuse curfew, or do not come home (even once) explain the consequences. Most of the time freedom is so precious to a teen they will work with you. Good Luck!
(So if the child wants to be out until 10:00, start with a 9:15 0r 9:30 curfew. )
Explain that even though you think 10:00 may be fair ( or whatever time) they need to prove that you can trust them. Set a contract (verbal or visual) that if they make curfew for X amount of days (or weeks) they can build up to the later time. So 9:15 becomes 9:30 or 9:45.
Also explain every time they are late (even once by a minute), they will be set back. You may even consider chipping away time if they prove irresponsible. If they abuse curfew, or do not come home (even once) explain the consequences. Most of the time freedom is so precious to a teen they will work with you. Good Luck!
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M$
That seems really harsh to me. I mean, 1 minute and they lose privileges? What's one minute, really? I always thought a bit of flexibility worked best.... Plus, if you are ok with the kid coming home at 10.. why would you make them come home a 9? They can prove their responsibility by coming home at 10.. what does making them come home an hour early prove? That you are are making them come home at 9 for no reason? There is no point in causing a lot of misery and rebellion because the kid has to come home super early and have huge consequences for coming come just 1 minute late. People lose track of time. 1 minute isn't worth what the kid is going to think of you for something like that. Is 1 minute late really worth the next 3 years they are going to be upset (and blame you) because their friends can stay out 2 hours later?
It does seem a bit harsh, but how often can you show up to your job late before getting fired?
Obviously, different situations warrant different things. If the child calls to tell you they are late due to circumstances they can not control ( flat tire, friend running behind etc) they are showing that they can be responsible and the situation can dealt with as it comes up.
Over all, this idea can help the teen reach goals and showcase responsibility. Staying out late with friends is a privilege to be earned, not a right.
A teen often has no good reason to miss curfew, and showing respect to parents by sticking to an agreement readies them for the world they are growing into. The more respect and responsibility a teen shows, the more freedom they deserve. At the same time the very second they show a laps in judgment, those freedoms should be restricted.
It is unreasonable to assume parents have nothing better to do with life then stay up late and panicking over a child who has missed a curfew. It should be a red flag to parents something is wrong if a teen is not home in time - not a regular occurrence.