2 years, 2 months ago
How do you deal with people that drive you nuts?
It's not like they've done anything directly to you, but something about them and their tone is just like nails on a chalkboard. It's almost like you can feel them talking down to you, but you're not sure if they're doing it on purpose or if it's just the way they are.
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M$4 Answers
Here is my analysis on how to deal with these kinds of people:
First of all, look on the positive side, by that, I mean, Look for the good!
It isn't necessary to like all your acquitances or friends, but it is necessary to treat everyone with respect. The best way to respect someone is to discover their strengths, skills, or contributions; then, focus on those instead of what you don't like. They will tend to not bother you as much.
The more you can recognize a person's good qualities, the easier it is to show them genuine respect.
Don't expect atypical situations:
Sometimes, two people who don’t get along can – over time – grow into friends. On the other hand, sometimes relationships simply remain stuck & difficult. But if you make even small, incremental changes that cut down the stress and conflict on each side, you can consider your efforts a success if you change your personality a little bit just for the sake as getting along with that person!
Don’t just focus on the other person
It’s easy to think the other person should change. If they do, that’s a bonus. But since that may not happen, look in the mirror and consider what you can do better to get you get along with that person, concentrate on what you can contribute to constructing a relationship that’s as good as possible.
Attack the problem, not the person
Imagine that you aren't getting information you need from another department, and it's causing your work to suffer. You may presume the other department is lazy, or doesn't care, or is trying to sabotage your success.
Instead of attacking the people involved, attack the problem. Maybe you guys do not share similar interests, well, try to find a way around that. Suggest a meeting to determine what the problem is and why you aren't getting the information. The real problem may be short staffing or system problems -- or they may not be getting the information they need from someone else.
You'll stay solution-oriented and engage others with your professionalism intact.
Don't let the snobs get to you.
If you are driven nuts by the type of people for whom nothing is ever right, good enough, or “fixable.” Stay determined to prevent them rom pulling you down to their level. Use these few steps:
1. Try to understand why they're negative. They may be dealing with a serious life issue. Understanding may help you be more sympathetic and less frustrated.
2. Talk to them about it. Tell them you've noticed they have seemed a little down and offer to help. They may not open up, but it’s often helpful just to know that someone cares. It will also give them a tactful heads-up as to how they're coming across (they simply may not realize their attitude is affecting others).
3. Avoid them if the situation doesn't improve.
4. Remove them from your environment (if possible and if truly necessary).
5. Find a way to simply tolerate it, or walk away from it.
First of all, look on the positive side, by that, I mean, Look for the good!
It isn't necessary to like all your acquitances or friends, but it is necessary to treat everyone with respect. The best way to respect someone is to discover their strengths, skills, or contributions; then, focus on those instead of what you don't like. They will tend to not bother you as much.
The more you can recognize a person's good qualities, the easier it is to show them genuine respect.
Don't expect atypical situations:
Sometimes, two people who don’t get along can – over time – grow into friends. On the other hand, sometimes relationships simply remain stuck & difficult. But if you make even small, incremental changes that cut down the stress and conflict on each side, you can consider your efforts a success if you change your personality a little bit just for the sake as getting along with that person!
Don’t just focus on the other person
It’s easy to think the other person should change. If they do, that’s a bonus. But since that may not happen, look in the mirror and consider what you can do better to get you get along with that person, concentrate on what you can contribute to constructing a relationship that’s as good as possible.
Attack the problem, not the person
Imagine that you aren't getting information you need from another department, and it's causing your work to suffer. You may presume the other department is lazy, or doesn't care, or is trying to sabotage your success.
Instead of attacking the people involved, attack the problem. Maybe you guys do not share similar interests, well, try to find a way around that. Suggest a meeting to determine what the problem is and why you aren't getting the information. The real problem may be short staffing or system problems -- or they may not be getting the information they need from someone else.
You'll stay solution-oriented and engage others with your professionalism intact.
Don't let the snobs get to you.
If you are driven nuts by the type of people for whom nothing is ever right, good enough, or “fixable.” Stay determined to prevent them rom pulling you down to their level. Use these few steps:
1. Try to understand why they're negative. They may be dealing with a serious life issue. Understanding may help you be more sympathetic and less frustrated.
2. Talk to them about it. Tell them you've noticed they have seemed a little down and offer to help. They may not open up, but it’s often helpful just to know that someone cares. It will also give them a tactful heads-up as to how they're coming across (they simply may not realize their attitude is affecting others).
3. Avoid them if the situation doesn't improve.
4. Remove them from your environment (if possible and if truly necessary).
5. Find a way to simply tolerate it, or walk away from it.
videos:
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M$Report Abuse
Sometimes you have to just take a step back and think about whether they are intentionally doing this to you or if this is just the way that they are.
I had a boss when I worked for the National Park Service who was this way with everyone. She was on a powertrip on her way up chain determined to get to Washington eventually. She ran over everyone. It didn't matter what any of us who worked for her did, she had to be right there, double checking and babysitting all of us. Most of us were college graduates who knew what we were doing and this grated on everyones nerves daily.
At Christmas she invited us all to her house. None of us wanted to go, but we all did out of obligation. When I got to her house, I felt saw a side of her that I had never seen. She bought things for all of our children, and spent hundreds of dollars because she was not sure what to get so she got everything. She had no personal pictures because there was no one in her life. She was actually a very insecure person who tried very hard to cover it up.
No one that I worked with bothered to see these clues. I ended up becoming friends with her and am to this day. She is a very good person, she just had no people skills. Some people are better are better at pushing people away because it is safer for them. Sometimes all it takes it really looking at them and seeing who they are underneath the grating tone that is driving you nuts.
Is it really them that is driving you nuts or is it your own impatience? There are definitly people out there who can just drive you nuts. I used to not be able to stand people, but once I started slowing down in my life and actually looking at other people and what was going on in their lives, I was able to tolerate a great deal more about many people simply because I took the time to look at what was going on in the relationship between them and me.
I had a boss when I worked for the National Park Service who was this way with everyone. She was on a powertrip on her way up chain determined to get to Washington eventually. She ran over everyone. It didn't matter what any of us who worked for her did, she had to be right there, double checking and babysitting all of us. Most of us were college graduates who knew what we were doing and this grated on everyones nerves daily.
At Christmas she invited us all to her house. None of us wanted to go, but we all did out of obligation. When I got to her house, I felt saw a side of her that I had never seen. She bought things for all of our children, and spent hundreds of dollars because she was not sure what to get so she got everything. She had no personal pictures because there was no one in her life. She was actually a very insecure person who tried very hard to cover it up.
No one that I worked with bothered to see these clues. I ended up becoming friends with her and am to this day. She is a very good person, she just had no people skills. Some people are better are better at pushing people away because it is safer for them. Sometimes all it takes it really looking at them and seeing who they are underneath the grating tone that is driving you nuts.
Is it really them that is driving you nuts or is it your own impatience? There are definitly people out there who can just drive you nuts. I used to not be able to stand people, but once I started slowing down in my life and actually looking at other people and what was going on in their lives, I was able to tolerate a great deal more about many people simply because I took the time to look at what was going on in the relationship between them and me.
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M$
I'm usually very aware of my own sort of perceptions especially since it's something I've been working on for the last two years. In this case, though, the person in question has gotten to me on two different occasions. The first one was that they congratulated someone else for a huge accomplishment that I did, which is probably just ignorance and it only got to me for about half a second. This most recent incident was just a very poorly worded email to a number of people (not just me) and I know in this case it's also ignorance of how to speak to a certain type of people.
Great answer BTW, it was exactly what I was thinking, but I didn't want to say it out loud.
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Here are some tips on how to deal with people who drive you nuts:
1. Look for the good side of the person. It is not necessary to like all people but it everyone deserves respect. And in order to be able to do this is to get to know them better, to discover their strength, skills, or contributions. And to focus on those instead of those you abhor.
2. The more you know the person and discover his good qualities, the easier it would be for you to show genuine respect. Don't expect miracles but something good is going to happen. In some cases, two people who don't get along can will be able to become good friends in time. But if one will make even small effort that cut down stress and conflict on each side the effort will pay off eventually.
3. It is sometimes easy to think the other person should change but it does not always happen that way. So focus on what you can contribute to build a relationship, to fill the gap by attacking the problem not the person.
4. If you are dealing with the "crabs" who always pulls you down from their level:
a. understand why they're negative. They may have some serious issues and if you know why they are like that you may be more sympathetic and less frustrated.
b. Talk to them and tell them what you have noticed and if you noticed that they are down offer to help. If they will not open up it is Ok, it is helpful just to know that somebody cared. It will also make them more careful instead of tactless. Sometimes they may not realize that their attitude is affecting others in a negative way.
c. If the situations does not improve just avoid them.
d. If possible remove them from your environment but this is not truly necessary.
e. Always have Plan B or recovery plan. If step A-D is not working, have a plan on how you will replenish your good mood when you are in contact with them. This will help you cut down the time that you will be upset and make it from hours to minutes instead.
f. Give compliment or praise for the feeling of being appreciated is the no.1 motivator for most people and help boost their morale. Keep a positive attitude as possible in whatever situation or circumstances.
g. sometime you think that your attitude is determined by other people and by uncontrollable event in your life but if that is the case then, you have lost control of your life. Be as happy as possible even for just five minutes at a time. You will feel better and more easy to get along with too.
3.
1. Look for the good side of the person. It is not necessary to like all people but it everyone deserves respect. And in order to be able to do this is to get to know them better, to discover their strength, skills, or contributions. And to focus on those instead of those you abhor.
2. The more you know the person and discover his good qualities, the easier it would be for you to show genuine respect. Don't expect miracles but something good is going to happen. In some cases, two people who don't get along can will be able to become good friends in time. But if one will make even small effort that cut down stress and conflict on each side the effort will pay off eventually.
3. It is sometimes easy to think the other person should change but it does not always happen that way. So focus on what you can contribute to build a relationship, to fill the gap by attacking the problem not the person.
4. If you are dealing with the "crabs" who always pulls you down from their level:
a. understand why they're negative. They may have some serious issues and if you know why they are like that you may be more sympathetic and less frustrated.
b. Talk to them and tell them what you have noticed and if you noticed that they are down offer to help. If they will not open up it is Ok, it is helpful just to know that somebody cared. It will also make them more careful instead of tactless. Sometimes they may not realize that their attitude is affecting others in a negative way.
c. If the situations does not improve just avoid them.
d. If possible remove them from your environment but this is not truly necessary.
e. Always have Plan B or recovery plan. If step A-D is not working, have a plan on how you will replenish your good mood when you are in contact with them. This will help you cut down the time that you will be upset and make it from hours to minutes instead.
f. Give compliment or praise for the feeling of being appreciated is the no.1 motivator for most people and help boost their morale. Keep a positive attitude as possible in whatever situation or circumstances.
g. sometime you think that your attitude is determined by other people and by uncontrollable event in your life but if that is the case then, you have lost control of your life. Be as happy as possible even for just five minutes at a time. You will feel better and more easy to get along with too.
3.
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M$
I guess it depends the context--dating, you'd break up. Employment or circle of friends, not so easy.
You need to somehow level the playing field--have lunch or coffee with the person--out of the environment where you usually interact. It may be a surprise to you.. If not that, find some shred of common interest and work it into a conversation. You may find yourselves more compatible than you thought you were.
You need to somehow level the playing field--have lunch or coffee with the person--out of the environment where you usually interact. It may be a surprise to you.. If not that, find some shred of common interest and work it into a conversation. You may find yourselves more compatible than you thought you were.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
