3 years, 4 months ago
How do you break out of social isolation?
You're a recluse. You don't like people much and people don't like you much. You don't have much interest in or respect for other people. You have a few friends scattered across the planet but you rarely talk to them. But you're lonely, and you really wish you could enjoy the company of others. How do you break out of your isolation?
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M$11 Answers
I've posted-it before, and I'll post it again; if you want a step by step guide on how to do that, then read the articles on Succeed Socially. They are really brilliant.
http://www.succeedsocially.com/
This site is two things at once. On one hand, it's a collection of articles on various topics related to social skills and getting along with other people. However, taken as a whole, it's also a guide on how shy, lonely, socially awkward people can get over their issues. Everything that's written here is based on my own experiences in overcoming these problems.
This one has a "sister site" too, dealing with dating.
http://www.datinggroundwork.com/
This site has a remedial focus and broadly discusses some of the deeper, core issues that may be preventing a shy, inexperienced guy from doing better with women. If you've already had some success with girls you may find the ideas here a little too simple for you. If you've read a lot about this area, I'm sure some of the concepts will strike you as familiar. I do know there are some things I have to say that are pretty original though.
http://www.succeedsocially.com/
This site is two things at once. On one hand, it's a collection of articles on various topics related to social skills and getting along with other people. However, taken as a whole, it's also a guide on how shy, lonely, socially awkward people can get over their issues. Everything that's written here is based on my own experiences in overcoming these problems.
This one has a "sister site" too, dealing with dating.
http://www.datinggroundwork.com/
This site has a remedial focus and broadly discusses some of the deeper, core issues that may be preventing a shy, inexperienced guy from doing better with women. If you've already had some success with girls you may find the ideas here a little too simple for you. If you've read a lot about this area, I'm sure some of the concepts will strike you as familiar. I do know there are some things I have to say that are pretty original though.
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M$
Honestly, I kinda ran into the same thing. After I split with my ex, I pretty much withdrew. Over time, friends and aquiantences drifted away, never really left the house, etc. I opted for an extreme, and just went with a complete fresh start. Quit my job, packed up, and moved to a city I'd never been to. You can probably start with the less extreme followup, and that's just learning to get out there again. Meeting people isn't hard...once you get past the idea of it. It's usually easiest to start with people who share similar interests, and for this I would suggest figuring out what your interests ARE. If your into computers/sports/whatever, there's groups in any metro area for it. People get together to talk about it or just watch the game...and most of these have open enrollment. Join up with them, and conversations will naturally start. Over time, these build to aquaintences/friendships, and next thing you know, your going out! =)
After a bit of that, start to experiment, you might find some new interests and/or new interesting people.
After a bit of that, start to experiment, you might find some new interests and/or new interesting people.
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M$
I can't be socially isolated if I'm working in a group for an important common cause. If I were you, I'd find a service oriented activity, like habitat for humanity, or feeding the homeless with a church group. You can even search the web for these types of things to find the closest one that interests you locally. It is hard to be self concious when you are not worried about yourself, but focused on helping someone else (in a healthy way).
When I do a service oriented activity, even if I have been feeling socially retarded, the best parts of my true personality always always come out, to my delight. These types of activities are great places to meet, lets say, a significant other or just a good friend, who has like minded interests, good goals, and a good heart.
Good luck!
- P.
When I do a service oriented activity, even if I have been feeling socially retarded, the best parts of my true personality always always come out, to my delight. These types of activities are great places to meet, lets say, a significant other or just a good friend, who has like minded interests, good goals, and a good heart.
Good luck!
- P.
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M$
First and foremost by recognising that you are a recluse then quite literally the problem is half solved because yiou will have acknowledged that
a) You have a problem.
b) You need a solution to the above identified problem.
Therefore armed with such self awareness and knowlege you progressivelly start reaching out to other people and connecting/rekindling the human bond that binds as all , after all h**o sapiens is just h**o socialis we are social beings. But offcourse ultimately if these bonds seem to hard to rekindle then one should see a qualified practitioner of Psychology/Psychiatry for an expert opinion.
a) You have a problem.
b) You need a solution to the above identified problem.
Therefore armed with such self awareness and knowlege you progressivelly start reaching out to other people and connecting/rekindling the human bond that binds as all , after all h**o sapiens is just h**o socialis we are social beings. But offcourse ultimately if these bonds seem to hard to rekindle then one should see a qualified practitioner of Psychology/Psychiatry for an expert opinion.
videos:
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M$
You may want to try joining a Meetup group around your interests, or volunteering for a local cause that you believe in. Join local online forums, so that you can meet people who are in your area. Gradually increase your rate of attendance rather than showing up to every meeting or every event you can attend. Studies show that people are more likely to meet people with similar interests, even if they are not that social to begin with, they grow to like the interest or the cause with the people and become more social. People are attracted to people of like interests.
Interpersonal Attraction
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_attraction
If you're single, you may want to join a few online dating sites if you like to date as well, or perhaps you can sign up speed dating and meet a bunch of people at once.
Here are some tips to breaking out of social isolation:
1. Randomly speak to people at bus stops/cafes etc and hope they are responsive.
2. Hang out in public areas (ie. bar, cafeteria, library, shopping mall, hiking, etc.) and wait to be randomly spoken to by other people in public areas.
3. Latch on to one of the few people you barely know, and hope they don’t think you’re too much of a stalker when you want to meet up every other day (or that you’re hitting on them...)
4. Join a society, a club, dance group, meet up group or organization that revolves around one of your interests.
5. Always practice random acts of kindness. Open doors for people you may not know, say hello, introduce yourself to a stranger and ask how their day is going.
6. Smile when you meet people or in public places. You will begin to notice that people will be attracted to you when you are welcoming to them, so smile. You may even want to wave your hand out to a stranger, and ask how their day is going.
7. Talk to all kinds of people, regardless of age, gender, race, professional background, political, or economical, or educational background. Doing this allows you to open up to people who may have different background from you. If you are a doctor, you may want to associate with people who would be your patient.
8. When you meet people, always ask people for their email, their phone number, or a way to get in contact with them later, and do follow up by emailing or calling them.
After all, you may be surprised, there may be another lonely person out there who you meet, and that makes two of you to go out and meet more people.
Interpersonal Attraction
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_attraction
If you're single, you may want to join a few online dating sites if you like to date as well, or perhaps you can sign up speed dating and meet a bunch of people at once.
Here are some tips to breaking out of social isolation:
1. Randomly speak to people at bus stops/cafes etc and hope they are responsive.
2. Hang out in public areas (ie. bar, cafeteria, library, shopping mall, hiking, etc.) and wait to be randomly spoken to by other people in public areas.
3. Latch on to one of the few people you barely know, and hope they don’t think you’re too much of a stalker when you want to meet up every other day (or that you’re hitting on them...)
4. Join a society, a club, dance group, meet up group or organization that revolves around one of your interests.
5. Always practice random acts of kindness. Open doors for people you may not know, say hello, introduce yourself to a stranger and ask how their day is going.
6. Smile when you meet people or in public places. You will begin to notice that people will be attracted to you when you are welcoming to them, so smile. You may even want to wave your hand out to a stranger, and ask how their day is going.
7. Talk to all kinds of people, regardless of age, gender, race, professional background, political, or economical, or educational background. Doing this allows you to open up to people who may have different background from you. If you are a doctor, you may want to associate with people who would be your patient.
8. When you meet people, always ask people for their email, their phone number, or a way to get in contact with them later, and do follow up by emailing or calling them.
After all, you may be surprised, there may be another lonely person out there who you meet, and that makes two of you to go out and meet more people.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
First of all, know that it *is* possible, however extreme your isolation.
In Japan there is a phenomon called "hikikomori", where many young men are spending years practically living in their own rooms, and never seeing anyone. Even these people have broken out of their isolation with the right will and the right help.
Recognising that you are stuck in your ways and really wanting to make a change is a good place to begin. Confessing to someone about the position you find yourself in is often the next best move. Of course if you're isolated, that may feel the most frightening and challenging part of the whole thing. Perhaps you will find yourself wondering who you could talk to, even if you could summon up the courage to do it.
There are three good answers to that. First of all family - your parents, brothers or sisters, an uncle. a cousin or grandparent. It might be hard for you, but most of your family members care about you, probably are worried about you, and will be only too glad to have a heart to heart with you. And the very act of having a real heart to heart with anyone will put such a dent in your isolation that it will make a real difference to you.
Second answer is old friends. If you ever had anyone that you were close to, but have lost contact with, track them down, and catch up with. Let them know honestly that some things aren't so great with you. Most of the time they have some things that aren't so great with them either and they will be supportive, no matter how long you've been out of touch.
The third answer is anyone that you come across regularly. Those very people that you meet physically, but avoid any real communication with. They may be classmates, coworkers, perhaps a team leader. It might seem daunting, but ask yourself: what have you got to lose? You don't have any real relationship with them anyway, so there is nothing to lose, but often a lot to gain. At the very least, you get to know yourself as a person of courage.
If that is not enough to get you started, you can seek support from counsellors and organisations that support personal development.
Don't worry. It's not as scary or difficult as it seems, so get out there and give it a go.
In Japan there is a phenomon called "hikikomori", where many young men are spending years practically living in their own rooms, and never seeing anyone. Even these people have broken out of their isolation with the right will and the right help.
Recognising that you are stuck in your ways and really wanting to make a change is a good place to begin. Confessing to someone about the position you find yourself in is often the next best move. Of course if you're isolated, that may feel the most frightening and challenging part of the whole thing. Perhaps you will find yourself wondering who you could talk to, even if you could summon up the courage to do it.
There are three good answers to that. First of all family - your parents, brothers or sisters, an uncle. a cousin or grandparent. It might be hard for you, but most of your family members care about you, probably are worried about you, and will be only too glad to have a heart to heart with you. And the very act of having a real heart to heart with anyone will put such a dent in your isolation that it will make a real difference to you.
Second answer is old friends. If you ever had anyone that you were close to, but have lost contact with, track them down, and catch up with. Let them know honestly that some things aren't so great with you. Most of the time they have some things that aren't so great with them either and they will be supportive, no matter how long you've been out of touch.
The third answer is anyone that you come across regularly. Those very people that you meet physically, but avoid any real communication with. They may be classmates, coworkers, perhaps a team leader. It might seem daunting, but ask yourself: what have you got to lose? You don't have any real relationship with them anyway, so there is nothing to lose, but often a lot to gain. At the very least, you get to know yourself as a person of courage.
If that is not enough to get you started, you can seek support from counsellors and organisations that support personal development.
Don't worry. It's not as scary or difficult as it seems, so get out there and give it a go.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
I suggest reading the links above. Also, if you're lonely you should get to know more people, get over your dislike of general people. If you don't respect other people, that might be why they don't like you. If you have zero people, go out to places where you might meet people that might, possibly, maybe interest you. There's nothing wrong with practicing conversing. Try talking to random people when you go to these places. You might fail miserably the first bunch of times, but you get better at it each time.
That's my advice.
If this individual suffers greatly, it might also be a good idea to go to group therapy. Group therapy helps a lot of people who feel socially isolated and lonely and have people issues.
That's my advice.
If this individual suffers greatly, it might also be a good idea to go to group therapy. Group therapy helps a lot of people who feel socially isolated and lonely and have people issues.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
I think i'm too scared to read these answers because of what i might find. The best way to break out of social isolation is to accept who you are. All of the psychology in the world probably won't help until you decide what it is that you want to become. There is no rule that states we have to be social. I will say that i know this scientist and he taught thousands of people things that are really intelligent. i ran across him and realized, he had been pretty isolated. In his isolation, he developed anger for things because he was not used to people and realizing, we are all just average people with lots of faults, himself included. There is something that cures this. It is called "Vacation." Even if you are a recluse, you can go somewhere, get out, and enjoy things. You will also find others that enjoy things and find happiness and social interaction in that. I was on this cruise in Alaska, taking in some beautiful scenery and there was this old man. He started telling me how much he hated being on the cruise. I looked out the window and said, you have got to be kidding. I am so used to looking at computer screens and pavement. This guy had been forced out of social isolation and felt very uncomfortable.
Vacations can be just as isolating or disasterous. I think the real key to getting out of social isolation is to enjoy new things. Life is kind of like when you are young and discover something new. For some of us, sure, we might have been doing bad things as a child, then we grow up and discover better things. Life is all about discovery and finding things that we never found before. If everyday, you wake up and find something new, you will never be isolated, nor bored. There is a wealth of things that we can find and share, with or without people and they are all very wonderful. Socially, the only reason we become isolated is for whatever reason, even other people, we let people or things stop us from the ability to share.
Life is also difficult because so many of my generation want to share more than listen. that is a product of many things i guess. the clue though is not to let that stop you from discovery. the transcending element then is to be able to share in a way that changes or actually interacts with the world. good or bad, i am always amazed at people that can champion themselves above social barriers.
I hope my answer helps and helps you respond to more questions ;).
Vacations can be just as isolating or disasterous. I think the real key to getting out of social isolation is to enjoy new things. Life is kind of like when you are young and discover something new. For some of us, sure, we might have been doing bad things as a child, then we grow up and discover better things. Life is all about discovery and finding things that we never found before. If everyday, you wake up and find something new, you will never be isolated, nor bored. There is a wealth of things that we can find and share, with or without people and they are all very wonderful. Socially, the only reason we become isolated is for whatever reason, even other people, we let people or things stop us from the ability to share.
Life is also difficult because so many of my generation want to share more than listen. that is a product of many things i guess. the clue though is not to let that stop you from discovery. the transcending element then is to be able to share in a way that changes or actually interacts with the world. good or bad, i am always amazed at people that can champion themselves above social barriers.
I hope my answer helps and helps you respond to more questions ;).
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M$
Find a local group dedicated to a cause you care about, and try volunteering a little of your time. Do not commit to a large role at first, make sure you are happy with everything before offering more of your time.
Remember, everything is not about you. If you see problems, it may be temporary problems distracting others, so you might have to offer to help more a few times before an auspicious ocassion arises.
Over time, let your involvement grow into helping others get into the organization. Meet people and gently tell them your interests and be humble and listen to their cares and concerns.
Good luck, and remember that not trying is the biggest failure of all.
Remember, everything is not about you. If you see problems, it may be temporary problems distracting others, so you might have to offer to help more a few times before an auspicious ocassion arises.
Over time, let your involvement grow into helping others get into the organization. Meet people and gently tell them your interests and be humble and listen to their cares and concerns.
Good luck, and remember that not trying is the biggest failure of all.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
I would first examine what is behind the belief that isolation is a problem. Your question assumes that isolation is a "bad" thing, but some people just want to be alone... and there's nothing wrong with that. If you don't enjoy the company of others, then it seems contradictory to feel lonliness.
With this self-examination, if you discover that there IS something you're missing or having a problem with, then you can start working on those issues.
Sometimes, you have to default to: Fake it 'til you make it. No matter what you feel, pretend to feel energized and excited about seeing others and getting out.
With this self-examination, if you discover that there IS something you're missing or having a problem with, then you can start working on those issues.
Sometimes, you have to default to: Fake it 'til you make it. No matter what you feel, pretend to feel energized and excited about seeing others and getting out.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
Its a problem for me, and after years and years I am convinced that genetic and environmental/developmental issues have just made me that way. I am sure now that the best hope I have is medication like Paxil or anti-depressants. I was on Paxil briefly years ago and the way I related to people changed dramatically.
In the future I think there will be gene therapy or neurophysiological treatments.
I will also say though that I think its easier for exceptional people to have this problem and that as the human race is improved beyond its animalistic baselines this will become less of an issue.
One more less pessimistic observation is that certain places I've worked with more interesting people and it was easier to relate to them while I was working there.
In the future I think there will be gene therapy or neurophysiological treatments.
I will also say though that I think its easier for exceptional people to have this problem and that as the human race is improved beyond its animalistic baselines this will become less of an issue.
One more less pessimistic observation is that certain places I've worked with more interesting people and it was easier to relate to them while I was working there.
You can leave an optional "tip" with Mahalo's virtual currency, Mahalo Dollars. If you are asking a difficult question that might require some research, or if you'd like a wide variety of feedback, a higher tip often leads to more answers to your question.
M$
succeedsocially looks awesome thanks. maybe i will actually read it.
No maybe, just do it. :)