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2 years, 7 months ago via

How do I tell someone I'm not interested in them?

If someone asks you out, how do you tell them you are not interested without being insulting? I don't think anyone would dare say "no". How would you do it?
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giggle_ninja's Avatar
giggle_ninja | 2 years, 7 months ago
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When this happens to me, I smile and even pretend to be a little embarrassed. I then say that I'm very flattered but I have to refuse. If they press for more information I will usually say that, "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested in dating right now." If they press further I smile and say, "Thank you for the offer! Have a nice day!" Then, I walk away. A quick polite exit saves both parties from much embarrassment. If I can't walk away, I will direct my attention and eye contact elsewhere such as another person in the group, the elevator panel, my cellphone, whatever to ensure that the conversation is over. This all needs to be said with a polite smile and open body language or you risk not sounding genuine.

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psynopsis | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

Good idea, going around the question could work. :D

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kewpiedoll99's Avatar
kewpiedoll99 | 2 years, 7 months ago
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I don't think you have to lie to turn someone down for a date. I have had situations where I have asked someone out and they said "I am not particularly interested." It was sort of harsh, but they said it nicely, and there was no way I could turn it around in my head and misinterpret it.

Another time I asked someone out and said they preferred to keep our relationship as just friends. This was less harsh, but just as clear. Again, it hurt my feelings a little bit in the moment, but I got over it quickly, and then I was free to move on to be interested in someone else!

If you lie, especially if you give some excuse, it lets them hold out hope that your current situation will change and then they can try again. If you tell the truth, it lets them move past you and find someone else more right for them.

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bkalimasov's Avatar
bkalimasov | 2 years, 7 months ago
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Tell them "You are very very nice, but I'm not interested in you".

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msnicole | 2 years, 7 months ago
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Tell them that you are focused on work and if you don't have a job, tell them that you are focused on family or a friend that is ill and do not have time for dating.

Another option would be to tell them that you are in love with someone else or that you are already dating someone.......you may not be dating but if you Daydream or Fantasize about Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, etc. or a female celebrity like Selma Hayek or Heidi Klum....use these fake relationships as an excuse to turn someone down that you don't want to date. The person won't know that it's all in your head!

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psynopsis's Avatar
psynopsis | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

Then if I have to take a polygraph test I won't be liar! I like your thinking! :D

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farconville's Avatar
farconville | 2 years, 7 months ago
3
Do it nice and proper without hurting their feelings. Tell them that you could be just friends. Tell them the truth so you won't keep them on false hopes. It's easier and humane that way. Be yourself, but honest. Peace!

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unwirklich's Avatar
unwirklich | 2 years, 7 months ago
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Your concern over how the person will feel indicates you probably actually know them. I'd say circumstances do vary between stranger and friend.

With a stranger I would agree with giggle. Be polite, seem flattered but be honest. A simple no and a smile. A clever exit if persisted.

With a friend or someone you know it's more complicated. You aren't never going to see this person again, and you don't know how deep their feelings are. In this case again honesty is the best policy tell them straight out why you're not interested. This says "no" without leaving them wondering.. "why not?" .. which in cases of rejection tends to go to negative thoughts. Make clear why you appreciate their friendship and why you want to keep it just at friends. As a tip, avoid doing this is a large group. Some teasing may ensue depending on your choice of company.

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darknessfalls's Avatar
darknessfalls | 2 years, 7 months ago
3
If you really, really don't want to hurt their feelings you could always tell them you're gay and ask them not to tell anyone, it's the easiest way to explain that it's you and not them.

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psynopsis | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

But then you would be gay. It might be worse than just plainly telling them "NO" :D

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klelover | 2 years, 7 months ago
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You just tell them

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psynopsis's Avatar
psynopsis | 2 years, 7 months ago Report

But it could make them mad. :D

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