Have you forgiven the person who's betrayed or hurt you the most?
If no, why can't you forgive? Do you think you'll still be able to forgive? What are the terms for you to forgive?
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M$6 Answers
It took the experience of me damn near dying to make me forgive someone(s).
The experience of really getting shafted--I mean really, really taking a hit-- has made me a stronger person, and my willingness to stand up for myself has inspired me to encourage many others to follow suit, advocate for themselves and, well, not just take it anymore. Not from a various assortment of people.
In this case, things were done, and as a result things were said, and then other things were done and more crap was said. Repeat as necessary. It was a bitter argument that went on for about five months, a serious misjudgment on the other party's part of my ability, the extent or, well non-extent of my disability and of the amount of influence I could create around myself out of nothing--quite a bit, it turned out.
I was really hurt for months I stopped talking to them. Other people became collateral damage..
Then one day in May 2009, I was lying in a hospital bed. I'd just had a stroke--the 4th. I was completely conscious and not in pain the entire time. But for the first time, I was being transferred to an inpatient neuro rehab hospital for two weeks--all the other times I'd gotten lucky and only needed months--no years of outpatient Occupational, Physical Speech Therapy.
I had been taken to the hospital by ambulance in the middle of the night and among other people, my parents had received a call from an alarm monitoring company that I'd been taken to a hospital and that I'd had a stroke. My parents live halfway across the country and they called the hospital. But the hospital had been sent a letter just a few weeks earlier telling them not to release any information about me to my parents. One of the doctors even made mention of it as I was getting situated in the room.
My parents were calling one of the other people on that list--it was 2:00 a.m., asking for information. That person DID have access to me and called to let me know they had called and that the hospital would not give them my room number or even my condition.
Then the thought occurred to me that I'm a parent, and that I'd feel frantic, too if I got a call that would notify me about someone looking as I did, pictured below in the exact same medical situation in 2006.
When I was a kid, my father (or someone) gave me some advice that has served me well both in my personal life and in my career(s): "Sometimes you have to eat your own sh*t and like the taste of it, too." Translation: There are times when you do something you don't want to do and pretend you're happy to do it.
So I picked up the phone and I called my parents to tell them where I was and how to reach me.
I don't even listen to Christina Aguilera, although she has a hell of a voice, but these words from the beginning of "Beautiful" sum it up. It's a sort of modern version, I think, of "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
"Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, ohh, no
So don't you bring me down today."
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M$
I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it.
I will give you encouragment to choose the path you want if you need it.
You can speak of anger and doubts, your fears and freak-outs and I'll hold it.
You can share your so-called "shamefilled" accounts of times in your life and I
won't judge it.
And there are no strings attached to it.
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
and you owe me nothing in return.
You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it.
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it.
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it.
You can ask for anything you want, anything at all and I'll understand it.
And there are no strings attached to it.
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
and you owe me nothing in return.
I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop.
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up.
I bet you're wondering how far you have now danced your way back into debt.
This is the only kind of love, as I understand it, that there really is.
You can express your deepest of truths, even if it means I'll lose you and I'll
hear it.
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss, I'll empathize with.
You can say that you'll have to skip town to chase your passion and I'll hear
it.
You can even hit rock bottom, have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it.
And there are no strings attached.
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
and you owe me nothing in return.
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
and you owe me nothing in return.
Incidentally, the first Sunday in August is International Forgiveness Day and there are celebrations/workshops around the world. Here in Hawaii it will be at the University of Hawaii:
http://www.hawaiiforgivenessproject.org/
My wife and I also have used the ancient Hawaiian practice of Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono), an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hooponopono
Forgiveness is not just saying "I'm sorry" or hearing "I'm sorry" said to you. That is too simple. It involves the recognition of hurt/pain and the giving and receiving of empathy on both sides. Here is a link to an interview with Marshall Rosenberg which describes the process using nonviolent communication.
http://www.openexchange.org/features/Keep/rosenberg.html
duenhsiyen
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M$
According to the film's protagonist, the person who benefits most in the forgiving the person who forgives.
Four minutes into the YouTube video German doctors ask for forgiveness.... it's a powerful moment.
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M$
I'll tell you a personal experience.
About 3 years ago I met a guy, after some time I was in love with him. It was such a good feeling, but he hurts me a lot. We had a solid relationship but he just decided to come back to his ex-girlfriend, he told me that never loved me and a lot of stuff that I can't really forget. We stopped talking with each other since then.
For 3 years I've been thinking about him, I've never been in love again.
This year I get back talking with him and now I feel like I finally got over him and I am ready to move on.
So... if you want to forgive or forget someone, you first need to CONFRONT what hurts you. You can't just wait, believing that some day you'll wake up and the pain is gone, because it won't happen.
be happy. :)
About 3 years ago I met a guy, after some time I was in love with him. It was such a good feeling, but he hurts me a lot. We had a solid relationship but he just decided to come back to his ex-girlfriend, he told me that never loved me and a lot of stuff that I can't really forget. We stopped talking with each other since then.
For 3 years I've been thinking about him, I've never been in love again.
This year I get back talking with him and now I feel like I finally got over him and I am ready to move on.
So... if you want to forgive or forget someone, you first need to CONFRONT what hurts you. You can't just wait, believing that some day you'll wake up and the pain is gone, because it won't happen.
be happy. :)
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M$
Just as he can not bring her back, I can not forgive him. If he commits seppuku I will consider his honor restored.
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M$
Just because I forgave him didn't mean I had to allow him back into my life. Best of luck with whatever you are dealing with.
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M$