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danielle danielle
 

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M$1.00  Funded By Mahalo ? |  April 09, 2009 06:48 AM

How soon is too soon to date after a divorce?

How soon is too soon to date after a divorce? Do you jump in while the ink is still wet on your divorce papers, or do you go through a long grieving process. I would love to hear personal stories!
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srgothard srgothard
 
 April 09, 2009 01:29 PM
If you have children, then you need to give them some time to grieve and get over what has happened in their lives. Divorce is hard on all members of the family, and it takes time to heal. After a few months, I would suggest discussing the possibility of dating with your children and then start dating when you feel like they are ready. Obviously it's not all about your children any more than it's all about you, but sometimes you need to weigh the impact of decisions on other people.


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Helpful: hcp56

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notshocked... notshocked...
 
April 14, 2009 12:20 PM
Even if children or family aren't part of the equation, there still are friends, churches, social groups and sometimes spouses work together, leaving co-workers in the middle.

I'm not likely to subjugate my every need to any one person, but I will weigh my actions before I intentionally hurt innocent parties.

Also, the "rebound effect" has it's place.

You asked for personal stories......I met my husband of 20 years the day his first wife left him sitting on his sea bag waiting for her to pick him up after being out to sea for 6 months.

After that I became his co-worker, babysat his daughter so he could take a second job to pay his wife's bills and we got to be friends fast.

We ended up MARRIED the day after their divorce because how long it took for CA to settle who would get custody.

Next week we CELEBRATE 20 yrs of marriage....

But his daughter, is my daughter, my hubby and I dealt with the doubts of the rebound effect AND during a tough spell, we talked divorce....that's why I mentioned co-workers, common friends and all that.

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hishaman hishaman
 
April 09, 2009 10:28 AM
I am not divorced thanks god, but I have my own opinion about this issue from what I see around me in life.

I think it's always a good idea not to rush your self into a relationship after divorce, specially for women, the woman body save something like a code from the husband's body, as a woman you need at a few months before dating another guy or your body will not be comfort with the new relation.
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personal thought


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albanian albanian
 
April 09, 2009 11:15 AM
According to the newspapers, many people begin dating even before they get divorced. This implies that it is never too soon.

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philipy philipy
 
April 13, 2009 06:17 PM
In reality people don't leap instantly from a state of being together to being divorced. There's a period of strain in the marriage, there's a period of being separated and living apart, then finally the divorce comes through.

I doubt we can make useful generalisations.

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notshocked... notshocked...
 
April 14, 2009 12:31 PM
Answerer 1

This is true but the news says many people do many things that aren't good for us i.e. leave against medical advice, smoke (yes I am smoking a cig lol and have left after surgery too soon because I am more comfortable at home), drink and drive (ok...never have, but have watched the effects of that on lives and the wallet).

I love the answer and know it to be true!

I think trusting what the newspapers say to be "the best" can be foolish as it changes according to the paper, it's readership and the time.

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notshocked... notshocked...
 
April 14, 2009 12:36 PM
albanian.....Qualification....religious newspapers say it's wrong to do both.
am laughing that I just wrote to you about the media on another question......enjoy your answers now that I get you.......my first week on Mahalo I didn't at all.

Also wanted to write to philipy's comment......your answer was the best in my opinion......should have submitted.

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death death
 
April 09, 2009 04:53 PM
In my experience with this problem it is usually when you don't lay in bed at night trying to figure out where you messed up.That is when you can start to date again.

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