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trojanqua... trojanqua...
 
M$3.30 October 19, 2009 01:25 PM

Is it okay for people in committed relationships to go to bars without their partner and meet strangers of the gender they are attracted to?

For example, if your boyfriend/girlfriend goes to a bar to "hang out" and gets the phone number of a stranger... They start texting each other regularly and going out to do activities together. Is that acceptable?
Interesting Question?  Yes (2)   No (0)   

Interesting: jeffhoard M$0.05, jillbeth M$0.25

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russb russb
 
 October 19, 2009 02:24 PM
Meeting people that you might possibly be attracted to is not the problem - saying "no" to them is. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, so the two together can be a problem. I would have to question why someone in a committed relationship would go to a bar and meet strangers without their significant other being there. Going to the bar with friends after work, or to watch the game, or even just to hang out is not a big deal, as long as you have friends who will keep you accountable (like reminding you in front of the stranger that you are in a committed relationship) buy if you don't have friends like that, I would say why put yourself in such a potentially destructive situation?


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unwirklich unwirklich
 
October 21, 2009 01:07 PM
Good answer, but I have to chime in here, if you are in a monogamous relationship lower inhibitions shouldn't be a concern. It's one thing to find other people attractive another to want to go to an intimate level. I'd say if you have to have friends accompany you to a bar just to avoid cheating on your significant other something isn't right. Lowered inhibitions can't make you do anything somewhere inside of you, you didn't want to already. I never bought into the whole, "I cheated because I was drunk" excuse.

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unwirklich unwirklich
 
October 19, 2009 01:37 PM
Depends. Does the person know they are involved?

I think no relationship will survive without trust. My husband actually works at a bar, and he gets given numbers regularly. (It's gotta be the viking hair lol) That doesn't bother me even if he does become friends with some of the women because I know he would never on his honor betray me.

However if your significant other is taking numbers, not letting these people know he/she is involved and/or is not being open about receiving the numbers in the first place, perhaps there is a loyalty issue there and you shouldn't be together in the first place. On the flip side if a partner cannot allow their mate to have friends of the opposite sex, something is also wrong.

So in short, is it okay to make friends of the opposite sex at a bar if you're involved? Yes.

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cheapgamer cheapgamer
 
October 19, 2009 03:21 PM
I guess it depends on how the couple defines committed.

1) If the commitment to each other is to stay together in a loving relationship that is mutually exclusive then "dating" as above should be unacceptable.

2) If the commitment to each other is to stay together in a loving relationship that is not mutually exclusive then it should be fine & each partner involved should be able to do this as they please. Letting people they are dating know that they are in an open committed relationship. After all the person who gives the phone number may be under the mistaken impression he/she may be able to enter a committed relationship.

A huge part of being in a committed relationship is knowing what each partner wants and expects of the commitment. If I were in this situation with a significant other I would want to try to clarify the desired level of commitment.

If an agreement can not be reached it is time to end the commitment..

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tonypittma... tonypittma...
 
October 19, 2009 04:44 PM
Sure. If the relationship is truly "committed", then this should not be a concern. If the 2 parties can not trust each other thus way, then they should rethink what they are committing to.

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jillbeth jillbeth
 
October 20, 2009 12:48 PM
It depends on what the partner does with these people they are attracted to! Just because we're in a committed relationship doesn't mean we stop looking at other people, but that's no excuse to cheat. Like a friend who was engaged once told me, "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu." But to act upon that attraction would be wrong, whether it's a full-blown physical relationship or just taking their phone number. No matter how much our partners may trust us when we are out without them, acting on that attraction in any manner would make me wonder how committed they truly were! Affairs can begin with seemingly innocent friendships, especially when alcohol comes into the picture. Sitting and talking with them in the bar with other friends around is OK in my book; anything else isn't.

Tags: relationships, bars, trust, commitment, alcohol

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mysticrave... mysticrave...
 
October 20, 2009 10:08 PM
It really depends on the agreements associated with the committed relationship.

It is better to assume that monogamy is expected until such time as a discussion has revealed some flexibility on the matter, but it is also unwise to assume that monogamy will be a feature of a committed relationship without that discussion.

Until a true agreement has been reached, and not assumed, each party remains free to proceed as they see fit, even if doing so is unwise.

Tags: romance, agreements, negotiations

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an260069 an260069
 
October 21, 2009 07:20 AM
Absolutely. There's nothing wrong with meeting new people, and as far as partner's go -- what they don't know won't hurt them.

Monogamy is an interesting ideal; however, a roll in the hay with some fresh meat always serves to relieve a little stress.

What would be wrong would be if your partner knew that anything was going on and had a problem with it.

Other than that -- something extra on the side is a situation that's totally okay.

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Unhelpful: unwirklich, trojanquack

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trojanquac... trojanquac...
 
October 21, 2009 05:24 PM
I think you have low standards.

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anilarora anilarora
 
October 23, 2009 12:54 PM
@trojanquack . you should have asked a high standard question then . dont forget thought or question originated in your mind. some people are very liberal .you are liberal enough to ask and hez free enough to answer . what if you are living in a country like mine where even thinking of such situation would be considered SIN , people just think you are SATAN if you ask such question .as far as my experience i have seen those who are liberal in sex are more humanistic , emotional and well mannered .

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anilarora anilarora
 
October 23, 2009 01:15 PM
That's how new and better relationship starts . Probably the previous relationship might have started like that . When you decided to choose a better person or better relation then you keeping on finding better people . Its all up to you and your society where you can put a full stop to your search . after making a relationship or after marriage .
If she/he is satisfied with a relationship probably he wont look for another . If he/she looking for another then probably she is not satisfied .
so i see no wrong if she met someone better in the bar and moving with him .
Look at the picture bellow . do u think you mind if they both just met at the bar, became so much attached . they keep messaging 24X7 .... haha ... thats our mind, rotten . you accept just because you cant think them having sex .


Tags: relationships

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