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easyeboy easyeboy
 
January 26, 2009 05:46 PM

If a woman insists on paying for a date, does that mean she does not like the guy she's on a date with?

I'm interested in knowing what women think about this. A woman who insists on paying for drinks or dinner, does that mean she does not want the guy to pay, and means there is no chance for this guy to date her again or could that mean she likes him? We are told the gentleman should always pay for the date, so when a woman insists on paying, what does that really mean? The guy could think the date insists on paying because the date did not go well, and she wants to not make the guy think that money should by him another date. I suppose there is no right answer to this, but maybe you have some thoughts. Also, when a woman insists on "going Dutch," or simply both paying for the date, is it safe to say that means that the woman only wants friendship, and nothing more? This is one of those questions you can answer either way, I suppose. Looking for good thoughts on this one.
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drmatt drmatt
 
 January 26, 2009 06:09 PM
I'm not a woman... but...

I don't think that, just because a woman wants to pay or split the bill, that she doesn't like the guy.

My first guess would be that she doesn't want the guy to think that there is any obligation. That is, some men believe that, if they pay, the woman is obligated to do something in return (whatever that is). Quid Pro Quo. By splitting the bill, that will take care of any spoken or unspoken something-for-something.

My second guess would be that the woman might be more modern thinking and not have the belief that "gentlemen should always pay for the date". I personally think this is an antiquated way of thinking, but, then again, I always insist on walking on the street-side of women so they don't get splashed with mud from carriages...

What is the answer? COMMUNICATE! Be it friends or wanting to be more, ask! Talk about it! If they can't handle open, honest communication, then you have to ask whether you want to hang with them in the first place.
Asker's Rating:
• Great answer! Well thought out answer, and it's interesting how you answered this.


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easyeboy easyeboy
 
January 26, 2009 06:24 PM
Good answer! It's just interested in think about this, as some men don't think that way, but after a few dates with the person, I would hope that communication is good enough to know what you can expect from that other person.

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drmatt drmatt
 
January 26, 2009 11:36 PM
Hey! I just got a dollar from easyeboy... Does that mean I have to put out now? (Sorry... too crude?)

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easyeboy easyeboy
 
January 26, 2009 11:56 PM
Lol

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lesliec lesliec
 
January 26, 2009 06:07 PM
Not at all! I think in today's society women want the men to know they are strong and independent. Paying their own way is one way to do just that.

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philipy philipy
 
January 26, 2009 06:18 PM
Yes.

It varies from woman to woman, but some for example feel it is a matter of being equal, and even take exception if a man insists on paying.

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easyeboy easyeboy
 
January 26, 2009 06:26 PM
Interesting thought, but you come to wonder if it's harder to win future dates with a woman who is independent vs. one who is dependent.

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bbrookin bbrookin
 
January 26, 2009 06:36 PM

Another possibility is that the woman is trying to reduce the effect that money might have in the relationship. If it may effect how often the two get together, or where they go, or any other facet of personal finance, she may be setting up rules to minimize those effects. The spending of money has messed up more than one relationship!

She may also want to see if the guy can handle behavior outside the perceived norm. Some men have a hard time with behavior outside societal roles, and this may have become an issue in the past. Both scenarios are a little complex, but then so are people. I agree with drmatt - COMMUNICATE.


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philipy philipy
 
January 26, 2009 07:42 PM
I'm not even sure if there is even a norm any more. If anything, I think the norm is more to split the bill. I'd be interested to know what other people think.

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shakespear... shakespear...
 
January 26, 2009 06:37 PM
I agree with both the answers given - that the woman may wish to clarify that she has equal ability to pay her own way, and that there be no misunderstanding about expectations/obligations.

Having said that, I will also throw in this: If one party thinks that it is a "date" (as in, potential romantic connection), and the other party is thinking "Most importantly I have to make sure he doesn't misunderstand anything I do", then I wonder if there's really that much of a connection to begin with? I wouldn't go so far as to say that she doesn't like the guy, but I think I'd lean more on the side of "she's probably not as into it as a 'date' as the guy might like." Make sense?

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easyeboy easyeboy
 
January 26, 2009 06:50 PM
Interesting thought, and she does not want to think she want the guy to think that she is using him for the drink, as she can pay her own way.

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shakespear... shakespear...
 
January 26, 2009 06:56 PM
Something you did not specify is when she insists - before the date, or at the end? That could certainly change some answers. If you say, "Want to have dinner with me?" and she immediately says, "Only if I can pay my share", I think that is different from saying yes, and then after the date is concluded saying "I insist on paying my half." The latter sounds more liek "Yeah, this could have been a romantic date, but I changed my mind."

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drmatt drmatt
 
January 26, 2009 07:05 PM
Oooh... that's just WRONG, shakes! I mean, not YOU... the situation.

If someone "changed their mind" in the middle of the date? I wouldn't want to hang with that kind of a person. There better be some GOOD conversation at THAT point ;-)

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cee-jay cee-jay
 
January 26, 2009 11:00 PM
no. I for a time, payed for all the dates if I thought the guy was well deserving. Plus, for instance, my now best friend who is a guy, i told him i would buy him a concert ticket to go with me, so i wouldnt go alone. it worked. and It always makes a guy extatic, when u go to a bar, and you buy their beer when they first get there, automatic, connection
Source(s):
my goofy experiance


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meomeo meomeo
 
August 23, 2009 11:04 PM
It depends from case to case. I agree answers
I am Asian, "dated" intimately a white guy. We got 2 dinners, he of course paid all, although I expressed to pay my parts (I bought drinks in return). Just because we knew our limited time, this romantic relationship would be ended, I did not want to be labelled as "gold digger", so he respected and remembered me. No actual COMMUNICATION. A fair play!

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