An 11year old daughter sleeping in the same bed as her mother who is a single parent. I have no problem with
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M$3 Answers
"In almost all cultures around the globe, babies sleep with an adult, while
older children sleep with parents or other siblings. It is only in industrialized
Western societies such as those in North America and some parts of Europe that
sleep has become a private affair. The West, in fact, stands out from the rest
of humanity in the treatment of its children during sleep."
It seems that Western thoughts on parenting revolve largely around the concept of independence. We want our children to become independent as soon as possible, for whatever reason (usually a rationalized response to being so busy that we "can't" tend to our child's every need).
The only potential pitfall I could find revolved around that concept. An older child sleeping with a parent might become "too" dependent on that parent, and not understand the need to have their own life/thougths.
If that is managed well, then it will build a very strong mother-daughter bond. In a world where there is constant struggle for dominance between parents and children in the home, this can only be viewed as a positive. As long as you, as the parent, know when to let her go and let her be on her own, living her life, then there's no problem.
Completely non-accusatory-but-must-be-adressed Disclaimer: If there's any kind of inappropriate touching involved, or this is against the child's will, then it's jsut messed up.
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M$
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M$As a therapist, I would want to know how you benefit from this sleeping arrangement. I would raise a concern if you are getting any needs met from this (or anything) that are inappropriate.
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M$
Sounds like you're aware of the issues going on and you're taking care of the immediate problems with an eye towards the future. You might want to think about making a time limit for this transition period and communicate that to her. "I understand there's a lot of changes going on and you feel more comfortable sleeping in my bed. Why don't we say we do that for another three weeks and see how you're feeling then?" Something like that...
My daughter has her own room and her own bed. We just relocated from one state to another and lost 3 family members in the move. So, she is in transition a new home, a new community, a new state, no friends, new school, new divorce and loss of father figure and two sisters. I usually put her to sleep first then get into bed with her later after she has fallen asleep. If she should wake up and I am not there she panics. So I don't see the harm in letting her get use to the newness of everything from this move. Once she makes friends and they start wanting to spend the night she will want that independence of her own room and own bed.
