Stephen Colbert Quotes


The Mahalo Top 7

  1. Wikiquote: Stephen Colbert
  2. IMDb: The Colbert Report Memorable quotes
  3. Thinkexist.com: Stephen Colbert quotes
  4. About.com: Stephen Colbert Quotes  WARNING: Pop-ups
  5. Blog Post: More Stephen Colbert Quotes
  6. About.com: Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents' Dinner Transcript  WARNING: Pop-ups Evan: With the president just feet away!
  7. Video: Colbert Roasts President Bush

Stephen Colbert Quotes

  • Wikiquote: Stephen Colbert
    • "It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty."
    • "Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche, and then applies an antibiotic cream"
    • "Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can’t laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid."
    • "While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad."
    • "I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has fifty states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow."
    • "That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works."
    • "I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq."
    • "We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias."
    • "It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is."
    • "Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg."
    • "I don't trust books; they're all fact, no heart."
    • "I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!"
    • "Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I'm a freaking lunatic."
    • "I'm disappointed that my own Catholic Church has decided that capital punishment is wrong. Which is pretty hypocritical if you think about it, because they wouldn't even have a religion if it wasn't for capital punishment."
    • "I can't prove it, but I can say it."
    • "Facts change, but my opinion never does."
    • "The truthiness will set you free!"
  • Thinkexist.com: Stephen Colbert Quotes WARNING: Pop-ups
    • "In success, you wouldn't be able to say I'm conservative or liberal. I'm part of the blame-America-last crowd."
    • "Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head."
    • "My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot, ... So we said, 'Let's give him a promotion.'"
    • "My character is not based on (Bill) O'Reilly, ... It's the same guy from The Daily Show. You'd never say it's O'Reilly."
  • About.com: Stephen Colbert Quotes
    • "I'm going to miss him, too. Another classy move from a classy guy. The man who stood tall even as his staffers dropped like laundered nickels from an Indian casino slot machine. ... He's doing it right folks -- going out at the top of his game in the middle of a criminal investigation." (On Tom DeLay)
    • "A native American group has filed a class-action lawsuit against the government for mismanagement of oil, gas, grazing, timber and other royalties since 1887. They're seeking $100 billion. Here's the good news: The government has responded what I believe is an appropriate counteroffer: A two-cent Navajo stamp."
    • "Saddam's trial, the TV event of the year. It's like the Oscars, but with atrocities."
    • "And that brings us to tonight's word: Truthiness. Now I'm sure some of the word-police, the "wordanistas" over at Websters, are gonna say, "Hey, that's not a word!" Well, anybody who knows me knows that I am no fan of dictionaries or reference books. They're elitist. Constantly telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen"


Related Searches

Stephen Colbert | The Colbert Report | Jon Stewart | Steve Carell | Ed Helms | Bill O'Reilly