How to Plan a Wedding Reception

• by Darcy Logan

Introduction

• Traditions vary around the world, but almost all societies have some type of wedding reception.¹ In America, the wedding reception usually consists of dinner or hors d'oeuvres, cake, dancing and toasts. As you start planning your wedding reception, it can be easy to get overwhelmed or to start going overboard. While it's natural to want your wedding day to be perfect, you should remember a few key things:

1. Don't forget the reason behind the ceremony. Your wedding is not about having a perfect reception, it is about making a lifetime commitment to the person that you love and celebrating that commitment with your friends and family.²
2. Don't let your wedding ruin your marriage. Money is one of top five things married people argue about.³ Therefore, you need to keep your wedding plans well within your budget to prevent starting out your marriage in debt.
3. Don't forget your guests. Brides and grooms can get so caught up into the fact that it is "their day" that they forget that every individual that attends the wedding has spent time and money to be there.⁴

Step 1: Set a Budget

• Setting a budget should be done before any plans are made since the majority of your overall wedding budget will be spent on the reception.

1. According to the Bridal Association of America the average wedding in July 2007 cost $28,850. However, they estimate that the average wedding will cost $30,860 in 2009.⁵ This means that the average wedding reception budget would be about $17,000 to $18,000, but that doesn't mean you need to spend that much.
2. Approximately 50-60% of your wedding budget will be spent on the reception. Most of that (about 65% of your wedding reception budget) will go towards the caterer, which includes the food, the cake and the flowers. About 16% will be spent on entertainment, 5% on the reception site and the remaining will be spent on miscellaneous items.⁶
3. The Bridal Association of America states that brides spent an average of $1,300 for decorations and centerpieces, $1,000 for music, $3,000 for the bar and beverages, $9,500 for food and food service, $550 for wedding cake and $1,200 for the reception site.⁵

• For more information on setting your reception budget, visit Mahalo's How to Make a Wedding Budget and How to Save Money on a Wedding.

Step 2: Decide on a Style or Theme

• The type of wedding reception you choose will help you narrow down your options of where to hold your wedding reception. Finding the right location is essential because it will influence the tone of the reception and choices you make when hiring the caterer, entertainment, etc.

• Imagine your dream reception in your mind. What do you envision it being? Is it formal or informal? Is it large or more intimate? Do you lean towards the traditional side of things, are you a trend setter or do you like to be unique?⁷⁸ Do you want an elaborate sit-down dinner, a buffet or something more casual?⁹ Getting a clear image of what you want your wedding reception to be like will help you when you start trying to select a site for it.

• Many brides and grooms decide on a particular theme for their wedding. Almost anything you can think of can be made into a theme. Often times a theme is as simple as a favorite color or colors. Others are more complex. Some of the more popular themes include:

1. A favorite time period such as the 1920s, Victorian, Renaissance or the Wild West.¹⁰
2. A natural theme such as beach, ocean, tropical or a favorite animal.¹¹
3. A favorite season such as fall or summer.¹²

• Video: What are Some Unique Reception Ideas? (Time: 3:16)

Step 3: Choose a Location

• Once you have a budget and know what style of reception you are leaning to, it is time to look for a location. Before looking, it is a good idea to have an estimated head count as well as the location, date and time of the wedding ceremony.

• Video: How do I choose my reception site? (Time: 1:17)

1. Start by compiling a list of all the wedding reception locations in the area.
   1. Check the phone book under "banquet facilities." Also check out golf clubs, country clubs, hotels, catering halls and churches.¹³
   2. Consider some unique locations such as mansions, lofts, museums, gardens, public buildings and zoos.¹⁴
   3. Add to that list any other locations such as your parent's backyard, a friend's barn and similar locations.
2. Make a list of what you are looking for in a reception site. Consider what tone you are trying to set.¹⁵ Other factors to consider are the distance of the reception site from the ceremony site and the size of the guest list. A site that is too large for your guests can be almost as uncomfortable as one that is too small.
3. Another factor you will need to consider when choosing a reception site is your schedule and availability. Sites such as hotels and restaurants will often include food, liquor and equipment in their fees. At other sites, you might be required to provide your own, which requires more time on your part.¹⁶
4. Use your second list to narrow down your list of reception sites until you have no more than 8-9 sites. It may be helpful to make a quick phone call to see if the site is available if you have a date set.
5. Once the list is narrowed down, call the sites you are most interested in and get some basic information before making an appointment to visit. You will want to make sure that the facility is available, will hold all your guests, has parking available and is handicapped accessible.¹⁷
6. If the facility meets all your needs, arrange to visit each site. Be prepared with a list of questions to ask at each site.¹⁸ Real Simple offers a checklist of questions you should ask each venue.¹⁹
7. When looking around, try to imagine your wedding reception. Make sure that it will fit all your needs.²⁰

• Video: What should be noted when doing a walkthrough of a reception site? (Time: 1:36)

Step 4: Choose a Caterer

• While you may be too nervous and excited to eat, your guests will not. Since you will spend the most money on food for your reception, it should not be a decision you make lightly. Good food can make or break a reception.

• Finding a good caterer takes research and investigative skills. Expect to meet with several of them before you make your final selection.

• Visit Mahalo's How to Choose a Caterer for additional information.

1. Be prepared with a list of questions you want to ask. A list of possible questions has been provided by The Knot and Real Simple.^{21 22}
2. Ask each caterer that you meet with to give you a rough outline of your options, the costs and any other details needed.²³
3. Always check references. When calling, ask about the meal, the size of the event, how well the service was and did the bill match the estimate. ²³

Step 5: Plan the Menu

• Planning the menu is a moment that can make or break your budget. While it is important to give your guests the best experience, you should also remember that there are a number of ways to save money.
• Reception types can be broken down into three major categories: tea or cocktail party, sit-down buffet or sit-down dinner.²⁴

1. A tea or cocktail party reception is usually the cheapest because only hors d'oeuvres, wedding cake and drinks are served. Just be sure to keep the party under three hours.^{25 26}
2. A sit-down buffet will allow your guests to help themselves but is only appropriate if you have less than 100 guests.²⁶
3. A sit-down dinner is the most formal and will consist of a four or five course meal that is served to your seated guests.

• Most people mistakenly believe that a buffet will be cheaper than a dinner.²⁶ This is not true. While a sit-down dinner can cost more, a buffet usually does not cost less. When comparing three hotels in Texas, Arizona, and Minnesota, the costs broke down as follows:

Breakfast Buffet/Brunch: $10 - $30 per person Lunch Buffet: $15 - $36 per person Dinner Buffet: $22 - $36 per person

Plate Breakfast: $12 - $22 per person Plate Lunch: $15 - $38 per person Plate Dinner: $23 - $48 per person

• Once you have decided what type of meal you will have, you need to select the individual dishes. At this point, you will need to plan on what you will do for any guests on a restricted diet, such as Kosher or vegetarian.²⁷

• 
  VideoJug: Wedding Receptions

Additional Reception Menu Videos

• Video: Wedding Food Ideas (Time: 2:18)
• Video: How To Plan a Wedding Menu (Time: 4:24)
• Video: What are the Benefits of a Buffet Style Reception Dinner? (Time: 1:24)
• Video: What are the Benefits of a Sit-Down Style Reception Dinner? (Time: 1:59)

Step 6: Liquor and Other Drinks

• Whether or not to serve alcohol at your wedding reception can be a touchy subject. Some couples choose to have an open bar while others prefer having a dry reception. Almost all choose to serve some type of champagne for the bridal toast.

1. The open bar is the most expensive option and can cause guests to drink more than you would like.²⁸ In many states, the hosts (aka bride and groom) can be held legally responsible for their guests. If you plan on having an open bar, plan on having several people ensuring none of your guests drive drunk.²⁹
   • Real Simple provides a handy wedding reception liquor checklist that will give you an idea of how much liquor you will need for an open bar wedding reception.³⁰
2. A limited bar is a modification of the open bar. Instead of providing unlimited types of drinks, you only offer a few. Some bridal couples choose to limit it to beer and wine. Others offer select mixed drinks.²⁸
3. A cash bar is considered the biggest mistake a couple can make regarding wedding etiquette. While it is still done, few (except those paying for the wedding) seem to be happy about it.³¹
4. A temporary open bar is a nice way of choosing a middle ground. It allows you to have an open bar for a select period of time (an hour or more) and then either limited selections of a cash bar afterwards.

• Video: How Can I Keep My Bar Costs Low? (Time: 2:32)

Step 7: Choose a Cake

• One cannot imagine a wedding reception without cake. Luckily, it can also be the most fun to shop for since it is necessary to sample many of the cakes. Expect your wedding cake to cost approximately $2 to $10 or more per slice.³² Finally, you will want to make out a list of questions to ask the baker. The Knot has provided a list of questions you should ask.^{33 34}

• 
  How To Do A Wedding Cake Tasting

Additional Wedding Cake Videos

• Video: Wedding Cakes-Dozens Of Choices
• Video: Wedding Cake Dollars and Cents
• Video: Wedding Cakes & Custom Decorated Cakes (Time: 3:44)
• Video: Wedding Cake Collection (Time: 3:09)
• Video: Wedding Cake Collection 2 (Time: 9:58)
• Video: Wedding Cakes by the Flamingo Las Vegas (Time: 1:01)

Groom's Cake

• If you've seen Steel Magnolias, you are probably familiar with the groom's cake. The groom's cake is a Southern tradition. Although traditionally this cake was either chocolate or fruit, today it has become a way of paying tribute to the groom.^{35 36} Consider this an optional part of the reception and something that can easily be cut out if money is tight.

• 
  VideoJug: Wedding Cakes Defined

Step 8: Decide on the Entertainment

• Selecting the right entertainment for your wedding can be another big decision. One of the biggest decisions you will have to make is whether or not to have a band or a DJ.²¹ In making that decision, it is truly a matter of personal choice. If you have trouble making the decision, you can always hire one to play during dinner and the other to play during the dancing. Before hiring any DJ or band, make sure you ask the right questions.³⁷

Planning Special Moments

• Once you have selected the band or DJ, it is time to start thinking about what songs you want played, especially during those special moments. As you are doing this, you may want to compile a small list of songs that you would like to have played during the reception as well as a list of songs you don't want played.³⁸

• As you start planning your wedding reception music, you will need to take special notice of the following moments:

1. The grand entrance is the moment when the bridal party and bridal couple enters the reception. This can be formal or casual.³⁹
2. The song played during the first dance should be special, especially since you it will be something you will remember the rest of your life. When choosing a song, it should be something that reflects your personality as a new couple.
3. Father-Bride Dance and Mother-Groom Dance can be held together or separately. This song should state something about parental love.
4. Cutting of the Cake: This song can be romantic or silly. Since it is played when the cake is being cut by the bridal couple, most choose to play a song that has a "sweet" theme to it.⁴⁰
5. Money or Dollar Dance: The money or dollar dance is a tradition where the guests pay to dance with the bride and groom. Whether or not to have it will be up to you.
6. Bouquet Toss and Garter Toss is a long-standing tradition that can add a bit of fun. An alternative, for those who do not want to "single out" their guests, can be the bear toss, where teddy bears are tossed to all the guests or just the children.⁴¹

• In addition, you will want to decide if you have a special bridal party dance (when the members of the bridal party dance), family dance (when all family members dance), anniversary or married couples dance (when just the married couples dance). While you want to plan some special moments, you don't want to continually disrupt the festivities. How much you do will be up to you.

• For more information, visit Mahalo's How to Choose a Wedding Song and Wedding Song Tips.

• 
  VideoJug: Wedding Entertainment

Additional Entertainment Videos

• Video: How to Surprise Your Wedding Guests (Time: 1:53)
• Video: Should I have a dollar dance at my reception? (Time: 2:53)

Step 9: Plan the Smaller Details

• Once you have finished planning the larger details, you can take a few moments to plan some of the smaller ones such as favors, decorations and other items.

Decorations

• The decorations for your reception will depend on several factors, such as your budget, size of the reception and the reception site. Typically, you will need to coordinate with your florist and the reception site when making your decisions. If you have a theme, your wedding decorations will want to reflect this. You should also consider saving money by reusing your ceremony decorations at your reception site.⁴²

Favors

• Favors, when done right, can be a nice treat for your guests. When done incorrectly, they are something left for the reception site to clean up. Once upon a time, matchbooks used to be the most common wedding favor.⁴³ Now days, wedding favors have expanded to items such as candles, picture frames and coasters.⁴⁴ If your budget is tight, the wedding favors is something that you can easily cut out.

Cameras

• Placing a disposable camera on each table can be a great way to get candid shots of your wedding reception.¹⁶ For best results, make sure each camera comes with a printed set of instructions that will inform your guests how to use it.⁴⁵

Additional Decoration and Favor Videos

• Video: Best Wedding Reception Table Decorations (Time: 1:29)
• Video: How to Make a Crystal Wedding Tree (Time: 15:22)
• Video: Wedding Decoration (Time: 4:44)
• Video: How can I save money on my wedding decor? (Time: 0:56)
• Video: Wedding Favors Last Minute Ideas (Time: 2:24)
• Video: To Make Deluxe Jordan Almond Flower Wedding Favors (Time: 3:39)
• Video: How To Make Cometa Flower Wedding Favors (Time: 2:05)
• Video: Are wedding favors a waste of money? (Time: 0:58)

Conclusion

• While it might seem overwhelming, remember there are people around who have gone through planning a reception and are willing to help out. Your wedding reception should be a joyous occasion and not the cause of strife and stress. If all else fails, remember that once you're done with the reception, you get to start focusing on the honeymoon.

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References for Name of How To

1. ↑ Wikipedia: Wedding Reception
2. ↑ Christian Science Monitor: The Wedding-Industrial Complex
3. ↑ SixWise.com: The Top 5 Things Couples Argue About
4. ↑ NYCityWeddings.com: You Guest It: Guests Reveal The Best and Worst Wedding Practices
5. ↑ ^{5.0 5.1} Bridal Association of America: The Wedding Report
6. ↑ About.com: Plan an Affordable, Memorable Wedding  
7. ↑ The Knot: Reception Sites: Ideas & Trends
8. ↑ The Knot: Wedding Reception Ideas: 15 Unique Reception Ideas
9. ↑ Perfect Wedding Guide: Wedding Reception Ideas and Considerations
10. ↑ Wedding Themes and More: Wedding Theme Ideas
11. ↑ IslandBrides.com: Beach Wedding Themes - Beach Wedding Article
12. ↑ Favor Ideas: Month by Month: Wedding Themes and Colors for Every Season
13. ↑ WeddingChannel.com Q: How Do You Select A Hotel For Your Reception?
14. ↑ WeddingChannel.com Can You Host Your Reception At A Public Building?
15. ↑ MarthaStewart.com: Choosing Your Reception Site
16. ↑ ^{16.0 16.1} WeddingSolutions.com: Wedding Reception
17. ↑ Brides.com: Wedding Receptions - Getting Started
18. ↑ The Knot: Reception Sites: 17 Questions to Ask the Manager
19. ↑ RealSimple: Wedding Planning: What to Ask Your Venue
20. ↑ The Knot: Wedding Reception Planning: Finding A Location
21. ↑ ^{21.0 21.1} The Knot: Wedding Catering: 17 Questions to Ask Your Caterer
22. ↑ RealSimple: Wedding Reception: What to Ask Your Caterer
23. ↑ ^{23.0 23.1} The Knot: Wedding Catering: Finding a Good Caterer
24. ↑ Buzzle.com: How to Plan a Wedding Reception
25. ↑ WeddingChannel.com Q: How Is A Cocktail Reception Defined?
26. ↑ ^{26.0 26.1 26.2} RealSimple: Wedding Reception: How to Plan Your Menu
27. ↑ The Knot: Wedding Catering: A Complete Checklist
28. ↑ ^{28.0 28.1} The Knot: Wedding Catering: How to Stock the Bar at Your Wedding
29. ↑ Wedding Paper Divas: Selecting Your Wedding Reception Site - Liquor and Wedding Beverages
30. ↑ RealSimple: Wedding Reception: Liquor Checklist
31. ↑ SuperWeddings.com [Wedding Etiquette Issues...
32. ↑ TeamWedding: Having Your Wedding Cake - and Eating It Too!
33. ↑ The Knot: Wedding Cake Bakers: Questions to Ask Before You Book
34. ↑ RealSimple: Wedding Reception: What to Ask Your Baker
35. ↑ Wikipedia: Groom's Cake
36. ↑ Favor Ideas: The Groom’s Cake — a Toothsome Tribute to Your New Other Half
37. ↑ RealSimple: Wedding Ceremony and Reception: What to Ask Your Musicians or Deejay
38. ↑ The Best Songs.net The Best Wedding Reception Songs
39. ↑ The Best Songs.net The Best Grand Entrance Songs
40. ↑ The Best Songs.net: The Best Wedding Cake Cutting Songs
41. ↑ The Best Songs.net: The Best Wedding Bouquet Toss Songs
42. ↑ MarthaStewart.com: 50 Tips for the Perfect Reception
43. ↑ Wedding Tips & Trends - Bridal Blog: Five Reasons Matchbooks Still Make Marvelous Wedding Favors!
44. ↑ Moments of Elegance: Top 20 Wedding Favors for 2006
45. ↑ The Knot: Q&A: Reception Style: Telling Guests How Table Cameras Work?

How to Plan a Wedding Reception Videos

• Video: What are Some Unique Reception Ideas? (Time: 3:16)
• Video: What should be noted when doing a walkthrough of a reception site? (Time: 1:36)
• Video: How do I choose my reception site? (Time: 1:17)
• Video: Wedding Receptions
• Video: Wedding Food Ideas (Time: 2:18)
• Video: How To Plan a Wedding Menu (Time: 4:24)
• Video: What are the Benefits of a Buffet Style Reception Dinner? (Time: 1:24)
• Video: What are the Benefits of a Sit Down Style Reception Dinner? (Time: 1:59)
• Video: How Can I Keep My Bar Costs Low? (Time: 2:32)
• Video: How To Do A Wedding Cake Tasting (Time: 2:51)
• Video: Wedding Cakes-Dozens Of Choices
• Video: Wedding Cake Dollars and Cents
• Video: Wedding Cakes & Custom Decorated Cakes (Time: 3:44)
• Video: Wedding Cake Collection (Time: 3:09)
• Video: Wedding Cake Collection 2 (Time: 9:58)
• Video: Wedding Cakes by the Flamingo Las Vegas (Time: 1:01)
• Video: Wedding Cakes Defined
• Video: Wedding Entertainment
• Video: How to Surprise Your Wedding Guests (Time: 1:53)
• Video: Should I have a dollar dance at my reception?
• Video: Best Wedding Reception Table Decorations (Time: 1:29)
• Video: How to Make a Crystal Wedding Tree (Time: 15:22)
• Video: Wedding Decoration (Time: 4:44)
• Video: How can I save money on my wedding decor? (Time: 0:56)
• Video: Wedding Favors Last Minute Ideas (Time: 2:24)
• Video: To Make Deluxe Jordan Almond Flower Wedding Favors (Time: 3:39)
• Video: How To Make Cometa Flower Wedding Favors (Time: 2:05)
• Video: Are wedding favors a waste of money? (Time: 0:58)

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