How to Have a Perfect First Date

Guide Note: A first date can be a nerve-wracking experience, but it doesn't have to be. You may not be able to control whether you and your paramour hit it off in the chemistry department, but you can stack the odds in your favor by planning a fun and thoughtful date.

How to Have a Perfect First Date will walk you through the planning and execution of that ever important first outing with your potential new squeeze.

Table of Contents:

Introduction

(Photo by Thom W)
(Photo by Thom W)
  • First dates can be nerve-wracking; between planning mutually enjoyable activities, deciding how you’d like to present yourself in order to make a great impression and worrying about what to do if the conversation falters, a date can start to feel like a terrifying audition!
  • The most important thing to keep in mind when preparing for a first date is that you’re not on trial. If you can relax and be yourself, your focus will shift to getting to know your date and truly enjoying their company. Our step-by-step guide to having a perfect first date will help.

Step 1: Planning the Date

  • There are lots of factors to consider when planning what you’re going to do on your date. The most important of these is mutual enjoyment; you should choose activities that reflect your date’s interests as well as your own. If you’re unfamiliar with your date’s interests and passions, there are still a number of fun, creative things to do on a date that are universally appealing.
Plan far enough in advance. (Photo by Geri-Jean Blanchard)
Plan far enough in advance. (Photo by Geri-Jean Blanchard)
  1. Make sure you contact the person far enough in advance; three to five days should be fine. Asking someone if they’d like to go out with you the next day or, even worse, that night is rude and indicates a lack of regard for their plans and social life.
  2. Know your date’s general likes, dislikes and preferences before you begin planning date activities. You probably don’t want to take a vegetarian to a steakhouse or someone who hates crowds to a trendy nightspot.
  3. Here are some basic factors to consider when planning your date:
    1. Time of day: Is your date in the afternoon or in the evening? This will help you decide whether you should go for a hike, plan a romantic picnic lunch or have dinner and cocktails.
    2. Weather: Don’t plan a picnic if there’s rain in the forecast! Resources like The Weather Underground offer an extensive and detailed weather forecast for your area when you type in your city or ZIP code.
    3. Affordability: There’s no need to put yourself out financially for a first date when there are so many things to do that are low-cost or free. (See the Mahalo Guide on How to Plan a Cheap Date for ideas that are frugal and fun!)
  4. Lots of places offer ideas for first dates that are both fun and romantic:
    Use online resources to plan your date. (Photo by Sanja Gjenero)
    Use online resources to plan your date. (Photo by Sanja Gjenero)
    1. Check your local newspaper or your city’s free weekly papers for up-to-date listings of movies, plays, exhibits, new or intriguing restaurants and local events.
    2. A survey of Match.com members revealed the top 10 places to take a first date, ranging from live music or a comedy club to brunch or a walk in the park.
    3. Online resources can be absolutely indispensable when it comes to planning a first date.
      • On PlanJam, you simply enter your city or ZIP code, select the type of activity (from “Action Adventure” to “Offbeat & Quirky”), entertainment, nightlife or food you’d like and then choose from their selections.
      • Additionally, websites such as Yelp, Metromix and Citysearch all offer thorough listings of city-specific activities. While Metromix and Citysearch are big-city-oriented, Yelp offers listings for smaller towns as well, and all three contain reviews and reader feedback. Chowhound offers a similar review-and-message-board format, but with the focus on restaurants and food-related activities.
  5. Don’t hesitate to ask your friends if they have any recommendations for fun date activities! However, it’s important to trust your own instincts and inclinations and ultimately choose something that both of you will enjoy rather than trying to impress your date with something exotic.
  6. Finally, after planning, work out any small details, such as where the two of you will meet or whether they would like you to pick them up. If there’s anything they should know about how to dress for the date, you should let them know that as well, although it’s generally best to keep it relatively casual for a first date!

Step 2: Dressing for the Date

Don't dress too sexy. It looks desperate. (Creative Commons photo by Darwin Bell)
Don't dress too sexy. It looks desperate. (Creative Commons photo by Darwin Bell)
  • Choosing your outfit and looking your best is an essential part of a perfect first date! The key to looking great is to look like the best possible version of you. That is, don’t dress in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, but do present yourself nicely.
  1. It may sound elementary, but be sure to pay attention to the fundamentals of physical attraction: good grooming and personal hygiene. You should always shower, shave, brush your teeth, brush or comb your hair and make sure your nails are at least presentably clean before any date.
  2. Choose an outfit that is appropriate to your plans for the date (as mentioned in Step 1, you might want to give your date a heads-up here if you haven’t already!). This means no high heels if you’re going on a walk, and no jeans if you’re going to an upscale restaurant.
  3. Don’t try to look overly “sexy” or formal – it could come off as desperation!
  4. Above all, dress comfortably! Don’t wear something that looks good but makes you feel stiff or awkward, as this will only translate to your behavior and demeanor. Remember, your objective is to get to know your date and have fun in their company; you can’t do that if you’re thinking about your clothes all night.

Step 3: Making Conversation on the Date

Listen intently to your date. (Creative Commons photo by Masahiro Hayata)
Listen intently to your date. (Creative Commons photo by Masahiro Hayata)
  • It’s a good idea to think of a few general topics of conversation beforehand, in case you find yourself stuck while you’re on the date. AskMen.com recommends sticking to easy, non-controversial topics like current events and pop culture; check out the site for more great suggestions! Other important things to remember:
  1. Steer clear of talk of past relationships! There should be absolutely no discussion of this on a first date!
  2. When in doubt, ask questions and LISTEN to your date’s replies. Everyone loves feeling like they’re with someone who is interested in them and who cares about what they have to say.
  3. Always reply truthfully to any questions asked of you; don’t lie or exaggerate in an attempt to make yourself seem more impressive.
  4. Don’t ask overly personal or invasive questions about sensitive topics like sexual history, income, etc. Keep it light and have fun with each other!

Step 4: Practicing Proper Dating Etiquette

  • Remember to stay on your best behavior! As with any kind of social activity, there is a certain etiquette that applies to dating in general, and first dates in particular. Fortunately, it’s not too difficult to behave politely if you just follow a few simple rules.
Don't drink too much. (Photo by Redzonk)
Don't drink too much. (Photo by Redzonk)
  1. Observe basic table manners. In a casual coffeehouse or diner environment you may not have to worry about keeping your elbows off the table, but you should always avoid such taboos as talking with your mouth full, belching and sampling your date’s food without permission!
  2. Don’t drink too much. This is an easy mistake to make if you’re nervous, but err on the side of caution and abstain from that second or third drink. Losing your inhibitions may seem appealing, but you’ll want to keep yourself alert and attentive, both for the sake of your date and in the interest of your own safety.
  3. Don’t talk on your cell phone. If you absolutely must take a call, excuse yourself before doing so and make it in private.
  4. Treat wait staff, valets and other individuals who may serve you on your date with courtesy – remember, your date will be observing the way you treat others as well as the way you treat them.
  5. If you’re the one who initiated the date, you should be the one to pay. This applies to women as well as men. Make sure you’re prepared to do so; few things look worse on a date than “forgetting your wallet,” even if it’s an honest mistake!
  6. Don’t push for physical intimacy.

Step 5: Following Up After the Date

  • You asked, and they accepted! You went out on that first date and had a fantastic time…now what? There is a protocol for the post-date follow-up as well.
Don't wait more than a couple of days before following up on a good date. (Photo by Yosep Sugiarto)
Don't wait more than a couple of days before following up on a good date. (Photo by Yosep Sugiarto)
  1. If you enjoyed yourself, feel free to call or send a friendly e-mail within a day or two (no, you should not wait longer than that!). Keep the tone light, but convey that you did have fun and would love to see them again.
  2. If you don’t receive a response, you may want to try again with a very brief e-mail about a week after the date. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances or miscommunications that can prevent someone who may be interested in contacting you promptly, so give them the benefit of the doubt.
  3. However, if you still don’t receive a response after a follow-up e-mail, you should respectfully move on. There’s no need for anger or bitterness! Keep in mind that dating is based largely upon chemistry, and if one person just doesn’t “feel it,” there’s not much that can be done.
  4. If you DO receive a positive response – perhaps an invitation for a second date – congratulations! It sounds like you had a perfect first date.

Resources for How to Have a Perfect First Date

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