How to Ask a Girl Out

Guide Note

Asking a girl out can be terrifying. But it doesn't have to be. With the right preparation and a little luck, setting up a date can actually be fun. In this guide, we'll show you how to ask a girl out.

Table of Contents

• Introduction
• Step 1: Prepare
• Step 2: Ask
• Step 3: After She Says Yes or No
• Conclusion
• References

Asking a Girl Out Tips

1. Look your best. Dress well and groom yourself.
2. Try to talk to the girl a few times before you ask her out.
3. Think of ideas for your first date before you ask her out.
4. Be sure to ask her at the right time, when you're alone and she's not busy.
5. Keep your body language relaxed and talk to her casually. Don't use a "line."
6. If she says yes, set a time and then leave.
7. If she says no, don't take it personally.

• by Greg S

Introduction

• 

  (Creative Commons photo by Miko de Villa)
  It's perfectly natural to feel nervous before you ask a girl out. After all, you are risking potential rejection. But you can only spend so many Friday nights at home, watching TV with your cat. If you want to fall in love and live happily ever after (or at least find somebody to snuggle up with who isn't covered with fur), you're going to have to get out there and do some dating. But don't worry, you won't have to do this alone. In this guide, we'll walk you through the steps of how to ask a girl out, and we'll offer some tips that will greatly increase the odds that she'll say yes.

Step 1: Prepare

• No matter how tempted you are to ask a girl out right away, there are a few things you should probably do first.

Look Your Best

• Yes, appearances count. But the way you present yourself can be more important than a good-looking face.¹

1. Make the effort to look nice, but don't be excessive about it. Groom yourself well, and wear clothes that are better than what you'd wear every day without looking too fancy.²
   • You want to impress her, but you also want to present a realistic version of what you're like every day.
2. Make sure you're clean and smell nice, but go easy on the cologne.³
3. Wear something comfortable.
   • You have enough to focus on. You don't want to be dealing with uncomfortable clothes, too.

Get To Know Her

• Some people can just walk up to a girl they've never met before, ask her out and get a date. But if you were one of those people, you probably wouldn't be reading this guide! For most of us, it works much better to take things a little slower.

1. 

   (Creative Commons photo by SOCIALisBETTER)
   Approach her slowly. Let her see you approaching. Don't rush towards her and don't startle her by suddenly appearing over her shoulder. Don't stand too close to her.
   • Obviously, you don't want to appear threatening.
2. Let your body language be very relaxed and friendly.⁴
   • If you look tense, she'll tense up too.
3. Most pick up lines sound really sleazy.⁵ ("If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?") But not all pick up lines are created equal. The best pick up lines aren't really "lines" at all, they're just simple ways to start a conversation.⁶
   • For example, if you meet her in a store, ask for her opinion about something you're thinking about buying. If you're out in the park and you spot an abstract sculpture, you can ask her what it looks like to her. Starting things off casually is a much better way to get her talking than trying to dazzle her with a clever come-on.⁷
4. Don't worry too much about seeming shy. Shy is always better than smarmy and fake.⁸
5. Don't dominate the conversation too much, talking about yourself.⁹
   • -Let the conversation flow both ways. If she is ready to talk, be ready to listen.¹⁰
   • -Draw her out. Ask questions that can't be answered with yes or no answers.
6. Remember that the more you're paying attention to her, the less focused you'll be on yourself and your own nervousness.¹¹
7. Try to act naturally. Be yourself.¹² That's a cliche, but it became one for a reason.
   • You want her to get to know the real you. If you charm her with some fake persona, what's going to happen later when she finds out that's not what you're really like?
8. As you talk to her, watch her body language for the telltale signs she's as interested in you as you are in her.
   • Humans send many romantic signals without realizing it. Does she mirror your movements and occasionally glance at your lips while you're speaking?¹³ These are positive signs.
9. If you're just meeting this girl for the first time, and you're not likely to randomly encounter her again, you can ask for her number. But if you see her around with some regularity, you're in a much better position.
10. Try to chat with her a couple of times before you ask her out so you can find out what she's like and what she's interested in.¹⁴ This will be rewarding in a number of ways.
    • -The more you know about her, the better prepared you'll be to ask her out on a date.
    • -Talking to her will get her used to you. You won't just be some random stranger asking her out, you'll be a person she's used to seeing.
    • -It will also help you figure out if she would be a good romantic match for you. If she's the area president of the Barry Manilow fan club and she can't go ten minutes without talking about Barry, that's the sort of thing you want to know before you're on a date.
11. You can also look for visual clues to her personality in her clothing, hairstyle and other things.
    • -If she has a t-shirt advertising a particular movie or band, for instance, that's a pretty obvious indicator of what kinds of things she enjoys. You can use this knowledge when you're thinking of places to take her on a date.
    • -Note that you sometimes need to be discreet about looking for such clues. If she catches you staring at her t-shirt, for instance, it may look like you're leering at her chest!
12. In these early stages, avoid any serious discussions about potentially controversial topics.¹⁵
    • It's fine to get some general idea about her views on religion or politics. But don't go much deeper than that to start with. You're here to get a date, not start an argument!

Devise Your Strategy

• Now you've spent some time with this girl, and you know some things about her. It's time to use this knowledge to plan how you'll ask her out.

1. Once you have some idea of things she enjoys, think about where you want to take her on a date before you ask her out.¹⁶
2. There is the old reliable: dinner and a movie. But if you know you share some more unusual interests, try to work with that and think of something special you could do together that not just anybody would be interested in doing.¹⁷
   • Maybe you could go see a play, or go to a sporting event or the opera. Just make sure it's something you're both likely to really enjoy.
3. When you're planning places to take her, don't plan anything too involved (like a daylong trip), intimidating (like bungee jumping) or overly romantic or sexy. You don't want to come on too strong, so pick something local, casual, fun and not too demanding.
4. If you're really nervous, there's also nothing wrong with preparing a little list of interesting things to talk about before you ask her out.¹⁸
   • Just think of it as something to fall back on.

Step 2: Ask

• You have prepared yourself and now the time has come. You are going to ask her on a date!

1. 

   (Creative Commons photo by mOOrango*)
   If you have her phone number, you can call her up and ask.¹⁹
   • If you're very nervous, this may be easier for you. But calling for a date lacks that personal touch. It's often better to ask her in person.
2. If you're asking her out in person, you have to wait for the right moment.²⁰
   • -Wait until you can be alone with her.
   • -Don't stop her to ask her out if she's obviously busy with something, or if she's on her way someplace.
3. It's best to start with some casual conversation before you ask her out.
   • Just walking up to a girl and suddenly asking her out will seem abrupt. You need to ease into it.
4. It's a good idea to compliment a girl before asking her out.²¹
   • -Make sure the compliment is sincere. If it's not and she sees through it, you may look like you have some ulterior motive.
   • -Even if you've already fallen for this girl, don't be excessive about flattering her.²² "Your hair looks really nice today" is a lot less creepy than, "Your flowing, golden locks make you look like a goddess."
   • -Do not tell her she's sexy, or compliment any part of her figure, before asking her out. Do we even have to tell you this?
5. Get her talking about a subject you're both interested in, and then segue into asking her for the date.
   • -For example, "Hey, I love Humphrey Bogart movies, too... There's a local movie theater that's going to be showing Casablanca on Saturday night and I was thinking about going. Do you want to go with me?"
   • -If you do this right, asking her out on a date can seem like the most natural thing in the world.
6. Ask for a date well in advance.
   • -Don't wait until Friday afternoon to ask her out on a date Saturday night.
   • -If the date is too soon, it's not unlikely she'll have to turn you down because she's made other plans.

Tips For Girls Asking Out Other Girls

• Most of the tips in this guide should be relevant no matter whether you're male or female. But there's no denying that if you're a girl, there can be special issues involved in asking out another girl.

1. Try to get to know her well before you ask her out.
   

   (Creative Commons photo by Wm Jas)
   • -If possible, go shopping together or do other friendly things that won't make it too obvious you're interested in her romantically.
   • -Spend time with her, and before long you'll probably have a pretty good idea if she's straight, gay or bisexual.²³
2. If you're not quite sure how she feels about gay people, you can mention some things that are popular in the lesbian community and see how she reacts. ("So, have you ever seen that show The L Word?")
3. Drop hints about your interest before you ask her out.²⁴
4. Lesbians communicate attraction in many of the same ways straight girls do.²⁵ But as a girl, you can be a little more obviously affectionate than a guy can, without seeming threatening.
   • -Give her extra compliments, hug her a little more often than a straight friend would and sit close to her to see if she moves away.
   • -She'll probably get the message, and from her response you'll get an idea about how she feels about you.
5. At an appropriate time, let her know that you're gay or bi.²⁶
   • -Let it come up naturally, try to avoid making it some big, dramatic announcement.
   • -You probably shouldn't tell her for the first time immediately before asking her on a date.
   • -If she's surprised to learn about your sexuality, you don't want to ask her out while she's still dealing with that.
6. Even if she's straight, as long as she seems comfortable with gay people you can always go ahead and ask her out and see what happens.
   • -If a straight girl turns you down, at least you'll know it's nothing personal. She's just not interested in girls.
   • -If a girl rejects you in a homophobic way, try to remember that that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your sexuality.²⁷ Don't let her bigoted attitudes make you ashamed of who you are.

Step 3: After She Says Yes or No

• You asked. You have your answer. Now what?

If She Said Yes

• If she said yes, congratulations!

1. 

   (Creative Commons photo by Carrie Cizauskas)
   Make sure she understands this is a date you're talking about, and you're not trying to just take her out as a friend.²⁸
   • -Maybe it seems like it should be obvious, but the last thing you want is to think you're having a romantic evening together only to learn that she thought you were just friends.²⁹
   • -You don't need to come out and say, "So, you know this is a date, right?" Confirm it in more subtle ways. After she says yes, give her a quick, flirtatious smile and say something like, "Great. I'm really looking forward to this." She'll get the message.
2. Immediately try to set a time for your date.
   • -If she says yes but then hedges on a time ("Uh, I'll really have to look at my schedule,") don't press her on it but do try to politely set a deadline for when she can let you know.³⁰ ("Can you let me know by Wednesday, so I'll know if I should get us tickets?")
3. After you've set a time, say goodbye for now and leave her wanting more.

If She Said No

• She turned you down. Sorry.

1. Treat the whole thing as casually as you can, and leave right away.
2. Whatever reason she gives, don't question it. Even if she says she has a boyfriend and you know she doesn't, leave it alone. She said no. Let it go.
3. Try to put it in perspective: even if one girl isn't interested in you, for whatever reason, there are still billions of other girls in the world.³¹
4. Some girls are just bad news.³² They get a nasty thrill out of turning somebody down for a date, and they'll do it in the most insulting way they can think of.³³
   • -If this happens to you, just be glad this girl didn't say yes. Thank goodness you didn't end up on a date (or in a relationship!) with somebody who has such a mean streak.
   • -The odds of her being nasty to you are much less if you've gotten to know her a little before you've asked her out.
5. Of course, even if she's mean, you still might learn something from what she says.³⁴ Did she insult your hair, or say you have bad breath? Maybe it's time to consider a haircut and some new mouthwash.
6. It's possible that she'll say something to hurt your feelings without even meaning to. ("Thanks, but you're a little too short for me.")³⁵
   • -Maybe she has no idea she's hit a sore spot, or maybe she just has no tact or social skills at all. In either case, just force yourself to smile and walk away.
   • -Don't point out the rudeness of her remark. Why make an awkward situation even more awkward?

Conclusion

• If you follow the tips in this guide, you should be well prepared to ask a girl out. And even if she says no, you'll know what to do when the next girl comes along.

• Good luck!

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References for How to Ask a Girl Out

1. ↑ eHarmony Dating Advice: Becoming Your Most Attractive Self
2. ↑ Grooming Tips for Men: Grooming Tips for Men  
3. ↑ Grooming Tips for Men: Cologne  
4. ↑ AskMen.com: Revealing Body Language 
5. ↑ Pickupedia - A Pickup Line Encyclopedia: Pickupedia
6. ↑ About.com: 6 Great Pickup Lines For Men or Women
7. ↑ Datingfast.com: Engage a woman in a casual conversation
8. ↑ Dating Advice From a Girl: How to Know if a Girl is Interested Before You Ask Her Out
9. ↑ Helium.com: How to start a conversation and make friends
10. ↑ AskMen.com: Why Don't We Listen To Women? 
11. ↑ Discovery Health: Have Dating Rules Changed?
12. ↑ Psychology Today: Dare To Be Yourself
13. ↑ BBC: Singles & dating - Flirting and body language
14. ↑ Catlain's Corner: Asking for that first date
15. ↑ Suite101.com: First Date Conversations to Avoid
16. ↑ How To Do Things.com: How To Ask a Girl Out
17. ↑ Yahoo! Personals: Dating Advice: 27 Unique Date Ideas (August 23, 2008)
18. ↑ AllExperts: General Dating Questions: Conversation (October 5, 2006)
19. ↑ AskMen.com: When To Call Women 
20. ↑ Datepad: Asking Her Out 
21. ↑ Stepcase Lifehack: Using Compliments To Control Communication
22. ↑ Online Dating Magazine: How to Get a Second Date - Advice for Men and Women
23. ↑ About.com: How Do I Ask a Girl Out?
24. ↑ About.com: Flirting Tips for Lesbians
25. ↑ Date Info: Recognizing the Signs of Attraction
26. ↑ About.com: How to you tell someone you like her without losing her friendship?
27. ↑ National Organization for Women: Statistics about Homophobia
28. ↑ Village Voice: Is This a Date?
29. ↑ AOL Coaches: How Can I Steer Clear of the 'Friend Zone'? 
30. ↑ AskMen.com: Top 10: Subtle Signs She's Not Interested 
31. ↑ Yahoo! Personals: Dating 101: How to Handle Rejection
32. ↑ Match.com: 10 Women Who Give Love A Bad Name
33. ↑ Match.com: Guys Reveal: "The Worst Turn-Down I Ever Got..."
34. ↑ How To Do Things.com: How To Handle Rejection
35. ↑ AskMen.com: Do Short Men Stand a Chance?