George Costanza Quotes


George Costanza Top Quotes

  • Wikiquote: Seinfeld Quotes
    • Hi, I'm George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
    • My name is Buck Naked. I'm a porno actor.
    • KAAAAAAAAAAAAHNNNNNNNNNNNN!
    • I always get the feeling that when lesbians look at me, they're thinking, 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual.'
    • I've Driven Women to Lesbianism before, but never to a mental institution.
    • My name is Art Vandelay. I'm an architect.
    • Maybe she has toe thumbs . . . Is her handshake a little firm? Perhaps too firm?
    • You should've seen the look on her face. It was the same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
    • Cheesy music in the background, which is actually the theme song from "The Greatest American Hero") Believe it or not, George isn't at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home. [George's Answering Machine]
  • IMDb: George Costanza Quotes WARNING: Pop-ups
    • Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna have a child. If I lose this Frogger high score, that's it for me.
    • I remember that night like it was yesterday. I had just the perfect combination of pizza grease and grape soda.
    • Lois: Have you designed any buildings in New York?
    • George Costanza: Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?
    • Lois: You did that?
    • George Costanza: Yep. And it didn't take very long either.
    • Jerry Seinfeld: He's a bubble-boy!
    • George Costanza: A bubble-boy?
    • Jerry Seinfeld: Yes, a bubble-boy.
    • Susan Biddle Ross: What's a bubble-boy?
    • Jerry Seinfeld: He lives in a bubble.
    • George Costanza: Boy!
    • Jerry, George Costanza: Elaine!
    • Jerry: Do women know about shrinkage?
    • Elaine: What do you mean like laundry?
    • Jerry: No, like when a man goes swimming afterwards.
    • Elaine: It shrinks?
    • Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!
    • Elaine: Why does it shrink?
    • George Costanza: It just does.
    • Elaine: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.
    • George Costanza: I was in the pool! I WAS IN THE POOL!
    • George Costanza: [Soup Nazi gives him a look] Medium turkey chili.
    • [instantly moves to the cashier]
    • Jerry Seinfeld: Medium crab bisque.
    • George Costanza: [looks in his bag and notices no bread in it] I didn't get any bread.
    • Jerry Seinfeld: Just forget it. Let it go.
    • George Costanza: Um, excuse me, I - I think you forgot my bread.
    • Soup Nazi: Bread, $2 extra.
    • George Costanza: $2? But everyone in front of me got free bread.
    • Soup Nazi: You want bread?
    • George Costanza: Yes, please.
    • Soup Nazi: $3!
    • George Costanza: What?
    • Soup Nazi: NO SOUP FOR YOU!
    • Cosmo Kramer: Hey
    • George Costanza: You fixed me up with a bald woman!
    • Cosmo Kramer: [flinches]
    • Cosmo Kramer: Bald?
    • George Costanza: Yeah, that's right
    • Elaine: Do you see the irony here? You're rejecting somebody because they're bald!
    • George Costanza: So?
    • Elaine: [puts her hands up to her mouth] You're bald!
    • George Costanza: [George rushes into Jerry's apartment] Did anybody call here asking for Vandelay Industries?
    • Jerry: No, what happened to you?
    • George Costanza: All right, listen closely, I was at the unemployment office and I told them I was very close to getting a job with Vandelay Industries, and I gave them your phone number. So now, when the phone rings, you have to answer "Vandelay Industries".
    • Jerry: I'm Vandelay Industries?
    • George Costanza: Right.
    • Jerry: What is that?
    • George Costanza: You're in latex.
    • Jerry: What do I do with latex?
    • George Costanza: I don't know, you manufacture it.
    • Elaine: Right here in this little apartment?
    • Jerry: And what do I say about you?
    • George Costanza: You're considering hiring me for your latex salesman.
    • Jerry: I'm gonna hire you as my latex salesman? I don't think so. Why would I do that?
    • George Costanza: Because I asked you to.
    • Jerry: If you think I'm looking for someone to just sit at a desk, pushing papers around, you can forget it. I get enough headaches just trying to manufacture the stuff.
    • George Costanza: [referring to Kramer and Newman's Risk game] What's that?
    • Jerry: Oh, it's Risk, the game of world domination being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives.
  • Classic TV Quotes: George Costanza Quotes
    • George: All right, Dad, we're five blocks from the house. Sit sideways.
    • Frank: Like an animal. Because of her, I have to sit here like an animal! Serenity now! Serenity now!
    • George: What is that?
    • Frank: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, 'Serenity now!'
    • George: Are you supposed to yell it?
    • Frank: The man on the tape wasn't specific.
    • George: Listen... there's something that's been on my mind and we haven't really talked about it. It's kind of important to me.
    • Susan: What is it?
    • George: Well... I put a lot of thought into this and I think I would like you to sign a prenuptial agreement.
    • Susan: A pre-nup?
    • George: Yeah.
    • Susan: [bursts out laughing]
    • George: What's so funny?
    • Susan: You don't have any money. I make more money than you do. Ha ha. Yeah, gimme the papers I'll sign 'em.
    • Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.

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